Are you not sure whether you've moved on from your ex? And you really want to? Moving on isn't easy and you may think you're there prematurely. Check out these 10 signs you may not have fully moved on yet:
IG, Snapchat, Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Whatever! If you have your ex on social media, or find yourself going ‘just to see’ what they’re up to, who they liked or added this week, or what they’re commenting and posting, these are all signs that you are not over the relationship. A strong desire to know simply ‘what’s going on’ suggests that you haven’t accepted what’s already happened - the end of your relationship.
When you coincidently hear something about your ex your first reaction are overly intense and negative. You might find yourself saying, “Well, good for them,” but you don’t truly mean it. In fact, it would be really great if everyone could just stop talking about them every single moment of every day, thanks! This person is still a sore spot for you - so surprise reminders rub you the wrong way.
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If you’re still wrapping your head around the reason(s) for the end of the relationship, find yourself going back and forth at night and still feel none of it ‘make sense’ -- you’re demonstrating another sign. Understanding why the breakup happened is an important step in processing and learning from the breakup, but should happen before you decide you’re ready to move on. To recover from a breakup you must acknowledge and accept the relationship you had is officially over. Even if you don’t get all the answers, making peace with your breakup lets you move forward anyway.
Can you scroll back into an entire album of photos with your ex? Do you have threads of messages, love letters, or presents from them from weeks, months, or years ago? Are you still wearing their old hoodie around the house? These items themselves don’t mean much - but your emotional and symbolic connection to them does. If you’re not at a place to throw these things away or donate them to a charity, you might still be lingering on your old relationship - making it hard to move on even if you wanted to.
If you’ve decided to go back on dating apps and put yourself out there, you might meet some interesting people and make real connections--only to realize that when you’re face-to-face, you hate the person in front of you. The way they chew. The things they talk about. Their hobbies. Their career path. And why?…. Because they aren’t ‘better’ than your ex. If you still idealize small things about your ex and ‘take away points’ from a new person who doesn’t fit the old mold, you have not moved on and should probably take a short break from dating.
Some statistics show that up to 50% of couples reunite after a breakup. Do you believe that you are one of those couples? While it’s okay to adopt an attitude that says “I don’t know what the future holds, we’ll see if things work out,” the problem here comes when a belief that you will eventually reunite prevents you from pursuing other opportunities right in front of you. You can move on, explore other options and still believe there’s a chance you may reunite. Be present - what matters is where you find yourself in the current moment.
If you find yourself ‘casually’ bringing up how your ex is doing to your mutual friends or their family members, you likely haven’t moved on from the relationship. If you feel entitled to know details about their life, like who they are dating, where they are going out, and what they might be ‘up to’ these days, it’s a sign that you are fixated on them, and haven’t accepted the finality of the breakup.
In a relationship, it’s not uncommon to end up being so close with your partner that you share everything with them - from your promotion at work to the spider you successfully sequestered in the bathroom. If big things are still happening for you and your first urge is to reach out to your ex and share the news, this is another sign that you haven’t completely moved on.
While considering your weekend plans, if you find yourself avoiding certain venues because you might ‘run into’ your ex, that’s another sign that you haven’t moved on from the relationship. This is understandable- especially if the breakup was traumatic or the last interactions were emotionally challenging for you- but avoiding the rest of the world is another way your breakup might still be impacting your life now.
It’s appropriate and healthy to give yourself time to heal after a breakup. We all need time to adjust to the ‘new normal’ and that can be an important opportunity for solitude, reflection, and quiet space. However, a general rule of thumb is that it takes 6 weeks to start feeling better after a breakup. If that much time has passed, and you’re reluctant to get back out into the dating world, it might be a sign that you’re stuck on some of the issues from the relationship. And that is fine as well as long as you’re working towards getting yourself unstuck.