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The Blunt Man's Guide To Dating

If you're a blunt guy who wants to communicate a risky thought, idea, or intention - use protection and wrap it up with subtext before you talk.

Subtext blurs the meaning and intention behind what you say or text and allows you to gracefully express how you feel about anything. It also allows for a more playful and flirtatious type of conversation that can create endearing tension, non-confrontationally convey your feelings or smoothly bypass potential awkwardness.

Risky thoughts or ideas are ones that may make your date uncomfortable because they cross personal boundaries. Wrapped in subtext, you create space for boundaries to not be crossed by allowing your date to choose how to interpret what you say.

Here are some examples:

Religion

You want to communicate your atheism, but don’t want to sound like you’re judging them for being religious.

  • Date: “Going to church first”
  • You: “I would too, but I don’t think Jesus loves me”

Money

They're hinting that the restaurant you suggested is pricey, but you’re willing to pay for them. You don’t want to make them uncomfortable offering to pay and implying they're poor.

  • Date: “Isn’t that place expensive?”
  • You: “I have a free dinner coupon with your name on it”

Politics

You're not a fan of president Trump and it's important for you that your date isn't one too. They mention that everyone in their family is republican and you're worried that means your date supports Trump.

  • Date: "Oh my whole family is republican”
  • You: “How many Trump rallies have you gone to?”

Use the power of subtext to protect yourself

Subtext helps protect your status in conversations where explicit communication can lower your status. You’ll wind up in these status-risky conversations whenever you explicitly express your feelings, ask for clarification, explain yourself, disclose information, or ask for information. These actions are clear and reliable signs of interest that can leave you a bit too vulnerable or needy in the early stages of getting to know each other. Signaling interest is important, but signaling too much interest lowers your status and can kill attraction.

Subtext reduces your risk of losing status by obfuscating the intentions behind your texts. Here are some examples of status-lowering intentions you can hide with subtext:

Collect information about them

You want to know if they're not doing anything Saturday so you could plan a date with them.

  • You: “Getting into any trouble this weekend?”

Tell them how you feel

They are bailing on the date you have planned with them for tonight and you want to communicate that you’re not happy with it, but open to meet next week.

  • Date: “Sorry!!! I have to bail on u tonight. Stressed out from work, maybe next week!”
  • You: “Ok, next week I'm lending you my stress ball"

Disclose information about yourself

They brought up the topic of motorcycles and you want to tell them about the new motorcycle you bought last week.

  • Date: “I almost ran over a motorcycle guy today!”
  • You: “Might have been me. Too soon to crash my new bike”

Too much subtext is unattractive

Be careful not to rely on subtext when texting about comfortable subjects, it signals insecurity. Being direct and confident is attractive, so you want to avoid unnecessarily hiding behind it.

When you subtext, you’re also communicating where your comfort zone is. Your date is going to lose attraction if they're comfortable about a subject you use subtext to talk about.


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