No matter how long a relationship lasts, breakups can leave us lost, heartbroken, and even feeling physically sick. There's no one-stop solution to getting over a breakup, but there's healthy coping mechanisms and strategies one can employ.

Throughout this guide, we'll cover a number of things:

• Overcoming the heartbreak from the breakup
• How to move on from the relationship
• Moving on while you still love your ex
• Signs you still haven't moved on from your ex
• What to do when you miss your ex too much
• Getting your ex to miss you

---

How To Overcome The Heartbreak

There’s no way around it, ending a romantic relationship in heartbreak hurts and the pain hits you hard. It can sometimes feel like getting the wind knocked out of you. One second everything is okay and then the next second you're flat on your back, staring at the sky, trying to remember how you were able to breathe normally before.

You’re in pain and you can’t think straight, you just want to get over the feeling as fast as possible. You might grab whatever or whoever you can to bring you short-term relief, then find yourself right back where you started.

Overcoming heartbreak may sometimes seem impossible, but you can do it with the right perspectives and some new healthy habits.

Understand Moving On Is A Process

If you want to make a cake, you have to follow every step of the recipe in order or you’ll end up with an unsuccessful end result. Moving on from heartbreak is similar. You have to go through each step if you want to find success. Grief isn't always linear, some days may be harder than the one before it, but the journey of moving on is a process and takes time. Focusing on the end result when you’re in the early stages of that process will be overwhelming. Instead, focus on where you currently are and making it to that next step. One day at a time.

Prioritize Self-Care

All the love and energy that you were putting into your ex and the relationship can now be refocused and used on yourself. Be gentle with yourself, listen to your body and heart and what they need. Sometimes those needs might look like a hot bath and a tall glass of Merlot and sometimes they might look like dragging yourself outside and going for a run until you sweat out the bad memories. Don’t let your negative feelings dissuade you from taking care of yourself.

Be A Good Friend To Yourself

Rejection stings. It burns. Having a painful reaction to it is natural. Pain needs to be acknowledged and treated if it's ever going to heal. If your good friend is heartbroken and telling you they felt sad or lonely, the last thing you'd be thinking or telling them was that they were pathetic, worthless, or undeserving of love. The concept of that alone even seems ridiculous and silly. You would support them and pour kindness into their cracks, not say something untrue to make them hurt more. So why is it that it feels easy and even normal to tell that horrible stuff to ourselves? Be a good friend to yourself instead, you'll need it.

Feel Your Emotions

Somewhere along the line, a stigma was formed about certain emotions. There is a damaging misconception that emotions like sorrow and anger aren’t as acceptable as emotions like happiness or excitement. They are normal feelings and your body’s natural reaction to heartbreak. It is important that you let yourself experience these feelings fully and wholly, without self-judgement. A break up is a huge loss and it is important to give yourself permission to grieve that loss. Holding those emotions in will force you to hold onto them, let them out and let them move through you. So cry on the floor, rip the letter to pieces, throw the picture frame. If you don’t let yourself fall apart, you won’t be able to piece yourself back together.

Rewrite The Narrative

When you’re dealing with the aftermath of a break-up, it’s easy to fixate on the negatives and think of it as a failure or a mistake. Remember that you have complete power over the way you think about the relationship. Instead of sitting around harping over what went wrong, reflect on what you learned from the relationship. What have you discovered about yourself? About your needs? What knowledge are you now equipped with and how will that serve you in the relationships that are yet to come? Every relationship is a learning experience, treat it as such.

Put Things In Perspective

You are not defined by your relationship or lack thereof. You were a fully whole, strong and beautiful person before the relationship, and you are a fully whole, strong and beautiful person after it. Remind yourself of the positives in your life. Sit down. Write a list of everything you have going for you. Remind yourself why the relationship ended. Sit down. Write a list of the bad memories. Of the treatment you didn't deserve. Hang the lists up on your mirror. Read them every time you forget. Some days you might not need to read those lists, and some days you might need to read them 10 times. Both are okay.

Distract Yourself

Focus on finding healthy distractions that you can turn to when the memories of the past start bubbling to the surface and cloud your vision. This can be your opportunity to reconnect with passions you may not have made the time for during the relationship, or the chance to explore a new interest. Join a cooking class, go work out, go sing bad karaoke with your friends. For the really overwhelming moments when the wound feels so big that leaving the house seems daunting, reach for your journal. Bleed out onto the paper through your ink. Set a timer and write for 15 minutes, and don’t take your pen off the paper until it goes off. Writing can be a productive and cathartic way to allow your thoughts to move out of your head, and reading them back can offer clarity or a new perspective.

Ask For Help

You do not have to go through this alone. Reach out to friends and family members. Pick up the phone. There is power in asking for help when you need it. It can feel isolating to go through something like this and sometimes you may think no one understands your personal relationship and loss but love and heartbreak are universal languages.

--

The Best Relationship Advice For You: Want guaranteed results? Click here to chat with a relationship coach. We have a team of highly trained relationship coaches who get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you're worried about. You immediately connect with a coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here to start.

---

How To Move On

People love to tell others to “Just move on!” after a breakup. I see this everywhere and, more often than not, it does more damage than good. The problem is that it raises more questions than it answers: How can I move on? When should I move on? Does this mean I should give up on my ex? Where exactly would I be moving to?

The first step to moving on

The first aspect to understand is that it entails acceptance: You acknowledge that there is something or someone serving no purpose in your life anymore. When it comes to a relationship, it could be that you’d be eager to try to make an effort but there is no correspondence, or at least not to the extent where your needs are being met which leads you to a painful path of frustration. Now let’s dig into some of the most common questions:

Define what moving on means to you

The first thing to consider is that everyone’s journey is different. People around you will share their strong opinions, but it’s something only you have the answer to. Don’t compare yourself to others, try to reflect on what moving forward with your life means to you. Visualize how you would feel once it happens. Would it feel like someone taking weight off your shoulders? Would it feel like you just stopped holding your breath and are able to inhale finally? If yes, moving on might be right for you.

Know what you’re moving on from

Take a look at the relationship you’re leaving and the story you had with that person. Maybe there were some good moments, but also painful, disappointing, and embarrassing ones too. The goal isn’t to torture yourself by reliving the pain, but to process it on an intellectual level, almost as if you’re an outside observer.

Understand the story’s beginning, middle, and end so you’re not controlled by flashing memories of the past. Accepting that it is over can be crushing at first, but it is important to do at some point. Along with this acceptance, it is common to start mourning not only over the person we miss, but also for the relationship we consider so special.

When you know it’s time to make the move

Now, in order to answer the question: When? Ask yourself: “How am I benefiting from staying put? Is staying making things worse?” It’s probably time to move if you don’t have a good answer. Another hint for you to decide to move forward is if your ex isn’t giving you any reason to think things will change.

The Process Of Moving On

Is there a formula for how to move on? People will tell you it’s pretty straightforward but it’s better to think of moving on as a process. Here are the most common steps you might undergo:

1. Acceptance

Understanding that you did everything you could and that the outcome does not entirely depend on you. Once you realize this, you will be able to allow yourself to decide to stop pursuing something or someone who is not adding any value to your life. This stage implies acknowledging and feeling your feelings - this is a tough challenge, so it is ok to be sad or angry. It is normal to experience some resistance, this is part of the process. Connecting with the emotions, voicing it is the way to go. Avoiding it, ignoring it will not help you heal.

Acknowledge the emotion > feel it > reflect on what is causing it > let go

2. Drop the rose-colored glasses

See the relationship for what it was, it was not perfect, something was not working out, therefore it came to an end. This DOES NOT mean that you will not find love again, that you are broken and need to be fixed, that no one else will understand you, and that you will never feel the same. First of all, every connection will be unique, no person is the same and that does not mean that it will not be as good or as special.

On the other hand, it is ok to feel sad, and also to feel that something died inside you or that is no longer there since the other person left - this is the pain talking - you are complete and nothing is missing inside you, you are readjusting yourself to this new stage in your life.

3. Open up and socialize

It is common that try to isolate ourselves whenever we are undergoing a crisis, but actually allowing yourself to share and lean on others might be helpful and insightful. Challenge this instinct; you can start by reaching out to your friends - give yourself the permission to vent. Also, joining some sort of a support group will be a gentle reminder that you are not alone! For instance, you can request access to our group on FB so you can learn from others’ experiences, get different inputs, and mirror how other members have been positively coping with their situation.

4. Cut ties

when possible or try to detach. This implies unfriending them on social media, trying not to reach out and, if necessary, try to limit the interaction - bear in mind that you will be very emotional, space and time will help you to come down from this heightened state.

Moving on does not mean giving up

Last but not least, let’s focus on that common question you might ask when moving on becomes a consideration: Does it mean I’m giving up?

Making the decision to move on does not mean that you are a quitter, it just means that you chose to retrieve your power and to move forward with your life. It does not mean that you are closing the door forever either, you are just putting yourself first and focusing on what you need right now, which is to heal and to recover from a break-up. In this regard, you might need to face a noisy voice that might be bugging you when you start with this process.

Your ‘inner critic’ might get annoying and might try to sabotage you by bothering with thoughts such as: “no one will ever love me”, “I’ll always be alone”, “No one likes sad people”. Be kind to yourself, you are making this decision for you, not for anyone else. Loving yourself is not selfish - and you deserve to be loved.

It is undeniable that moving on its own is very challenging, but you got this! Believe in yourself and in how strong you are, and if you need any guidance - we are here to help!

---

Moving On When You Still Love Your Ex

Ah… the love left over from a past relationship. You’re trying to move on, forget about your ex, but you still love them, making it feel impossible to move on. You feel like your love for them won’t go away. But can you really still love someone who you’re not connected to anymore? Let’s examine these feelings further and you’ll gain a more empowered perspective on your situation.

Oftentimes we have assumptions about love we have for our ex’s. They can sound a lot like:

• The love I had with my ex is irreplaceable
• I can’t possibly love anyone else while I still love my ex
• I feel like I’m not in control
• What if something were different?
• Should I have suffered through?
• I just want to be loved.

While it may feel that this love was only and will only be intended for your ex, that’s not necessarily true. They were a part of you at one time or another and helped shape who you are now.. By removing these assumptions you’re empowered to begin self-love.

Ask yourself: What are my current go to “me” things to do?, When was the last time I spent an evening or day with my family/friends? If you are finding the answer to these are slim then it is a good indicator that these areas are lacking.

It can feel overbearing or lost trying to come up with ways to “fix” it. A few quick and easy ways to redirect that love and care are:

1. Sit down and write out 2 things you want to accomplish today along with 2 things you love/are proud of yourself for.
2. Exercise-Move your body, release the toxins that are pent up.
3. Call your friends or family and see what they are up to. Even if it’s just talking on the phone, they will love to hear your voice.
4. Relax.. you don’t need to plan getaway trips or dinner plans (unless you want to). Take some time and just breath. Be in the moment.

It will take time but remember that this love you have has come from you and is a part of you. You don’t have to forget or stop caring for the other person, but what you can do is turn that love into something good. Don’t hide it away to never be used again. Take time for you and your happiness and remember that being happy and healthy brings about the same things- happy and healthy relationships.

---

Signs That You Haven't Moved On From Your Ex

Are you not sure whether you've moved on from your ex? And you really want to? Moving on isn't easy and you may think you're there prematurely. Check out these 10 signs you may not have fully moved on yet:

1. You're Still Checking Their Social Media

IG, Snapchat, Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Whatever! If you have your ex on social media, or find yourself going ‘just to see’ what they’re up to, who they liked or added this week, or what they’re commenting and posting, these are all signs that you are not over the relationship. A strong desire to know simply ‘what’s going on’ suggests that you haven’t accepted what’s already happened - the end of your relationship.

2. You Get Angry / Sad / Jealous When Someone Brings Them Up

When you coincidently hear something about your ex your first reaction is overly intense and negative. You might find yourself saying, “Well, good for them,” but you don’t truly mean it. In fact, it would be really great if everyone could just stop talking about them every single moment of every day, thanks! This person is still a sore spot for you - so surprise reminders rub you the wrong way.

3. You Haven't Made Peace With The Breakup

If you’re still wrapping your head around the reason(s) for the end of the relationship, find yourself going back and forth at night and still feel none of it ‘make sense’ -- you’re demonstrating another sign. Understanding why the breakup happened is an important step in processing and learning from the breakup, but should happen before you decide you’re ready to move on. To recover from a breakup you must acknowledge and accept the relationship you had is officially over. Even if you don’t get all the answers, making peace with your breakup lets you move forward anyway.

4. You Still Have Photos / Mementos From The Relationship

Can you scroll back into an entire album of photos with your ex? Do you have threads of messages, love letters, or presents from them from weeks, months, or years ago? Are you still wearing their old hoodie around the house? These items themselves don’t mean much - but your emotional and symbolic connection to them does. If you’re not at a place to throw these things away or donate them to a charity, you might still be lingering on your old relationship - making it hard to move on even if you wanted to.

5. You're Comparing New Dates (Or A New Partner) To Your Ex

If you’ve decided to go back on dating apps and put yourself out there, you might meet some interesting people and make real connections--only to realize that when you’re face-to-face, you hate the person in front of you. The way they chew. The things they talk about. Their hobbies. Their career path. And why?…. Because they aren’t ‘better’ than your ex. If you still idealize small things about your ex and ‘take away points’ from a new person who doesn’t fit the old mold, you have not moved on and should probably take a short break from dating.

6. You're Holding On To Hope That Things Will "Work Out" Eventually

Some statistics show that up to 50% of couples reunite after a breakup. Do you believe that you are one of those couples? While it’s okay to adopt an attitude that says “I don’t know what the future holds, we’ll see if things work out,” the problem here comes when a belief that you will eventually reunite prevents you from pursuing other opportunities right in front of you. You can move on, explore other options, and still believe there’s a chance you may reunite. Be present - what matters is where you find yourself in the current moment.

7. You're Checking On Them Through Friends Or Family

If you find yourself ‘casually’ bringing up how your ex is doing to your mutual friends or their family members, you likely haven’t moved on from the relationship. If you feel entitled to know details about their life, like who they are dating, where they are going out, and what they might be ‘up to’ these days, it’s a sign that you are fixated on them, and haven’t accepted the finality of the breakup.

8. You Still Want To Call / Text Them With "News"

In a relationship, it’s not uncommon to end up being so close with your partner that you share everything with them - from your promotion at work to the spider you successfully sequestered in the bathroom. If big things are still happening for you and your first urge is to reach out to your ex and share the news, this is another sign that you haven’t completely moved on.

9. You Worry About Seeing Them Or Avoid Places They May Go To

While considering your weekend plans, if you find yourself avoiding certain venues because you might ‘run into’ your ex, that’s another sign that you haven’t moved on from the relationship. This is understandable- especially if the breakup was traumatic or the last interactions were emotionally challenging for you- but avoiding the rest of the world is another way your breakup might still be impacting your life now.

10. You're Avoiding A New Relationship Or Staying "Stuck"

It’s appropriate and healthy to give yourself time to heal after a breakup. We all need time to adjust to the ‘new normal’ and that can be an important opportunity for solitude, reflection, and quiet space. However, a general rule of thumb is that it takes 6 weeks to start feeling better after a breakup. If that much time has passed, and you’re reluctant to get back out into the dating world, it might be a sign that you’re stuck on some of the issues from the relationship. And that is fine as well as long as you’re working towards getting yourself unstuck.

---

Why Do I Miss My Ex So Much?

If you've gone through a breakup recently (or even some time back), you might still be missing your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, regardless of whether you want to get back with them. You may even feel that is has become worse as time has gone on.

In fact, according to a study conducted on 257 college students, time since breakup didn't lower distress nearly as much as expected. They discovered that if it was a strongly committed relationship and lasted a while, distress can be felt long after the breakup.

That's not to say that time doesn't help in healing the pain, but that you shouldn't be surprised if it's been a few months and you're still missing your ex.

It's not just your ex you're missing, it's also who you were with them and what you had. You invested your time and self in the relationship and it's only natural that you're feeling the loss now. And it's just as natural that these feelings will take some time to subside.

The biggest problem with missing someone is that it can be unpredictable. You may have been fine for a few hours, and then you suddenly can't stop thinking about them. Maybe you found some clothes they left behind, maybe you happened to come across a song you both love, maybe you were on Instagram and noticed a new post by them, etc.

And once you start thinking about your ex, it can spiral out of control. Reminiscing about the good times, wondering how things could be so much different, wishing for things to change - all of these are just going to make you miss your ex more, and it's mostly out of your control.

---

HOW DO I STOP MISSING MY EX?

There's no magic bullet. No trick or one-stop solution that you can apply to your situation and fix things instantly. Especially since everyone's situation is unique. The first thing you have to accept that this is a process and it will take time. There's no walking around that.

Also, in case you're looking for how to get your ex to miss you.

1. GET RID OF ALL REMINDERS

This sounds pretty obvious, but a lot of people won't actually follow through with this. If you have pictures of you both on your table, or if you're still using that bag they got you, or if you're still listening to their favorite song, etc, you're not making things any easier on yourself.

It can be a bit daunting to get rid of any mementos we have. The relationship already ended and taking this next step can feel like the final nail in the coffin. A lot of us will subconsciously hold on to these items and mementos as a means to feel closer to our ex, or to be more accurate - to feel closer to how we were during the relationship. But it's ultimately holding you back.

Every time you spot something that reminds you of them, it'll just send your train of thoughts spiraling - thinking all the thoughts you should try to avoid right now.

Start by returning any things that your ex might still want/need. After that, get rid of anything you are sure you'll never want and put the rest away out of reach.

2. DON'T PLAY THE BLAME GAME

It's easy to constantly think about what went wrong, whose fault it was, how things could've been prevented, etc. You might think that blaming your ex and creating a negative mental image of them might help you move past them, but it's just as likely to hold you back.

Worse, you might be blaming yourself for everything that went wrong. Now, it's important to take responsibility for your mistakes and shortcomings. But that doesn't mean you constantly entertain thoughts like you're not good enough or that they never cared about you or you'll never find someone else, etc.

Whether you're blaming yourself or your ex, whether you're even just blaming the circumstances - these thoughts will just keep fueling your yearning for him.

3. NO CONTACT PERIOD

Maintain strictly no contact with your ex. This includes phone calls, text messages, messages and comments on social media, etc. This might seem counterproductive if you're both still talking to each other. After all, when we miss someone the solution is generally to reach out to them. But in your position, it'll do more harm than good.

In some ways, it's an expansion of the first point (get rid of all reminders). Every time you talk to them over the phone or in-person, exchange messages, or even just check out their social media updates; you might be making yourself feel a little better in the short term, but it's ultimately just going to make it harder for you to stop missing them in the long term.

If you guys are still in touch, it's a bit rude and unfair to your ex to suddenly just break contact. Instead, let them know of your decision and why you're doing so. They might try to change your mind, but it's important to stick to your guns here. Let them know that you need time and space so that you can move forward, and also that this isn't permanent - you will reach out to them when you're both in a better place.

4. STRUCTURE YOUR LIFE

If you're not keeping yourself occupied, you're likely to keep dwelling on the past and your ex. The more empty space in your schedule, the more you'll keep thinking about your ex. Instead, you need to fill that space up.

I could say "keep yourself busy" but that's really just one part of it. Firstly, it's not that simple to just "stay busy". You probably have something you know you should work on, but just can't get yourself to do it. It's important to take small steps towards your goal. When you're already feeling low, you're unlikely to feel motivated to finish the report you have due next week in class.

You start thinking about everything you need to for the report and it becomes a giant mountain that you can't climb over. Instead, you need to break it down into smaller parts, eg. start with gathering a list of sources, draft a simple 1-page outline, watch a video on a similar topic, etc.

Secondly, you might be keeping yourself busy the wrong way. Binging TV shows and Youtube videos or scrolling through your Instagram feed for hours might keep your mind off your ex for a while, but they're not very productive. It's important to prioritize activities that will contribute towards your positive growth, like joining a new spin class with friends, doing some charity work with your classmates, etc.

I often advise my clients to divide their week into chunks of specific hours to help structure their lives. There are 168 hours in a week. Let's subtract 90 hours for work (40) and sleep (50), so that leaves us with 78 hours. If you don't make a conscious decision to plan out those remaining ~80 hours, you'll probably spend them all just thinking about your ex. 80 hours is a lot of time and to make a conscious effort to use them productively, you have to come up with a plan. eg: 12 hours for working out each week, 20 hours for friends, family, and relaxation, 20 hours towards learning music, etc.

5. HOBBIES AND ACTIVITIES

As we discussed in the last point, it's crucial to have a plan for how you spend your time. Hobbies and activities you enjoy should make up a significant part of your free time. A lot of people end up paying less attention to their hobbies and favorite activities when they get seriously involved in a relationship, so it's very likely you've not been paying as much attention to things you've loved.

Also, assuming you have a 40-hour workweek or even 60-hours, you have 60-80 hours of free time that you can put towards taking up new hobbies and activities. Taking part in and learning a new activity with people is a lot of fun and helps almost everyone when it comes to not thinking about their ex.

More importantly, you'll be actively working towards making yourself a better more well-rounded person, and if you're looking to get back with your ex at some point, this is crucial.

6. SPENDING TIME WITH FRIENDS AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE

A lot of us spend most of our time with our partners, so when we break up, we're often left feeling extremely lonely and like no one can understand us. But that's not true. Most of us have experienced the pain of a breakup and we feel some empathy towards others going through it.

This is even more true in the case of friends. Depending on how long you've known each other, you've probably helped each other cope with breakups before, too. That said, this isn't necessarily about having a shoulder to cry on. In fact, besides informing your friends about what happened, it's probably not smart to dwell on the breakup and your ex for too long.

It brings us back to point #1 - you're trying to avoid thinking of your ex as much as possible.

Of course, you may be in a position where you don't really have any friends around. Maybe most of your friends are in other cities or you've grown apart from them in recent years.

That's why you should also invest some time and effort into meeting new people. It's not that hard to make new friends. Think about the friends you've made in the past and how it happened. For almost all of them, you probably became friends as you both spent more and more time together because of outside reasons (like school, work, sports, etc).

And it should be the same now. Building on the last two points - structuring your life and being involved in hobbies/activities - the best way to make new friends is to figure out some new hobbies or activities that you want to learn and then getting involved with some group or class on it. It's hitting two birds with one stone. You learn a new skill while making new friends, all the while keeping your mind off your ex.

7. PARTAKE IN NOVEL EXPERIENCES

When we're doing the same thing over and over for an extended time, our brain stops feeling excited about the routine and gets a lot more space to dwell on things you don't want to (like your ex). This is especially true after a breakup. You were used to life with your ex, the texts and phone calls, eating and sleeping together, doing activities together, etc. Now going through your routine just reminds your brain how your ex is missing from all your plans and activities.

On the other hand, doing new things, going to new places, meeting new people, etc., gives your brain a lot more stimuli. When our brain is exposed to something positive it hasn't seen before, we automatically get more involved in the present (and think less about the past).

So take a trip with your friends, start learning that language you've always wanted to, go bungee jumping this weekend, etc.

8. SMARTLY REFLECTING ON THE PAST

Throughout this post, we've been talking about keeping our minds off our ex, off the past. So it's understandable if you're a bit confused with this one.

However, at some point, it's helpful to reflect on specific things about the past. Especially if you're already unable to stop thinking about your ex. In other words, if you're not thinking about your ex or missing them, then you can just ignore this, but if you can't stop thinking about them already, then it's important to focus your thoughts productively.

According to a study conducted on 72 participants, spending 20 minutes every day journaling about the breakup helped the participants feel less resentment for their ex, care less about them, feel less guilty about the breakup, and overall have less intrusive thoughts related to their ex.

Be objective about your reflections. Try to focus on what you learned from the relationship/breakup and maintain a positive angle.

9. GIVE IT TIME

As cliche as it is, this also happens to have a 100% success rate. Given enough time, you will ultimately stop missing your ex. Of course, depending on how things were, this could take weeks to months, maybe even years.

Right now, it might feel like the end of the world. It probably even feels like you'll never get past this. Emotions can warp our sense of reality, especially negative ones. And at this moment, they're making you feel like you'll never stop missing your ex.

But it will get easier with time. Science tells us so and we've also seen this with all our clients.

10. COUNSELING OR COACHING

Everyone's situation and experience is unique. While the points I've mentioned above will help anyone that is trying to get over an ex, nothing can substitute a personalized plan specifically for you.

Therapy and counseling are often helpful for people going through hurt and pain after a breakup. Therapists often deal with clients who go through heartbreak and teach them how to cope. And you'll probably learn a lot about yourself that you can apply in your future relationships. It also feels so much better to know that you have a professional on your team.

Besides therapy, relationship coaching is also a great option. Here at Relationship Hero, we've helped over 25k clients achieve their relationship goals, and a large majority required help to stop missing their exes.

---

How To Get Your Ex To Miss You

Whatever the reason why you broke up, it doesn't change the fact that it hurts. After a breakup, we're going through pain, confusion, anger, regret - and every emotion seems to be amplified.

Friends will often say things like, "stop thinking about it" or "soon you won't even remember it," and it just ends up having the opposite of the effect they're looking for. The worst part is you know that a lot of the things you hear aren't actually wrong.

Of course, it's not like you need a reminder that breakups hurt. However, it is important to understand how natural and real the pain is, and that it doesn't mean you are weak. Recent studies have revealed that our brain's reaction to rejection is not that different from when we feel physical pain. Not only do physical pain and rejection affect the same part of the brain, but they both also result in the brain releasing natural painkillers.

The bottom line is that the pain is very real even if it's just in your "head" (brain).

One of the most common things we experience after a breakup is the desire to be with our ex. We miss them more than we thought we could. And then we often start wondering if they're missing us too. There are some signs you can look out for to find out if your ex is thinking about you, but even if you're not on their mind right now; there are guaranteed ways that you can make them start missing you again.

Two major parts play a role in getting your ex to miss you again:

• Becoming the best version of yourself.
• Maintain intelligent space.

---

Be The BEST You Can Be

#
It's time to address the elephant in the room. Breakups don't come out of nowhere (unless there was some kind of cheating involved). And since you're looking for ways to get your ex to miss you, it's probably a reasonable assumption that you weren't the one who initiated the breakup.

Whether you got dumped, or you both "mutually" decided to end things or "take a break", the truth is that your ex wasn't getting everything they wanted from you and the relationship. Maybe that means you're not the same person they fell for when you started dating, or maybe it means that they've outgrown you. Regardless, the implication is the same, you need to improve - be the best version of yourself.

1. (Re)Discovering yourself

• Maintain No Contact with your ex

  To become the best version of yourself, you need time. And towards this goal, you have to minimize any distractions. That includes thinking about your ex. Yes, you're doing all this for your ex, but if you spend most of your time thinking about them, trying to get them to talk to you, stalking them on social media, etc., you will just be delaying your own progress. Besides the time constraint, there's also the fact that

• Goals and Passions

  You have to refocus your goals and passions. Participate in things that you know will make you happy and feel alive. When you got into your relationship, you probably stopped doing certain hobbies as often as before. Maybe you even sidelined some important goals of yours. Well, it's finally time to start paying attention to what matters.

• Friends and Loved Ones

  Like your hobbies and goals, there's a chance that the relationship also resulted in you neglecting some important people in your life. This is a great time to rebuild your bonds with them. Just be mindful not to "ask too much" of a friend. You want to enjoy their company, not use them as a bandaid.

• Know Yourself

  Spend time looking at who you really are, what you really want, and what you have to offer in a relationship. Start writing your thoughts in a journal - it doesn't have to be a book, you can do it online, even just make private posts on social media. The importance of journaling cannot be overstated. Research indicates that writing about positive aspects of the break-up can increase positive emotions, and do so without an increase in negative emotions (link).

• Travel

  Right after a breakup, almost everything that surrounds us can end up reminding us of our ex and the pain we're feeling from the breakup. Oftentimes, taking a trip out of town is a great way to cut out all the reminders. Planning a trip with a couple of good friends is a great idea as you'll also get to spend more time with people

• ### Be who your ex fell for (if not better) Your ex fell for you once, and there's a good chance you can make it happen again. But only if you can get back to the person they initially fell in love with. But why stop there? Why not be better? We should always be going through life striving to be better than we were before. And who's to say that your ex hasn't grown? If you aim to only be as good as you were, you may still fall short.

---

2. New People and Activities

#

• Making new friends

  Meeting new people can be fun and invigorating. It's a great way to build confidence as well as learn more about yourself. And by expanding your social circle, you will quickly fill up your calendar with various plans and events - keeping you busy and your mind off your ex. Also, if your regular group of friends includes your ex or reminds you of your ex, spending time with new people is a great alternative.

• Finding new hobbies

  You need to enjoy your day-to-day life. And you need to make yourself well-rounded and interesting as a person - makes it more likely for your ex to miss you. Learning something new will also put you outside your comfort zone and help in making you more confident and attractive.

• Date other people

  This won't apply to everyone, but if you don't mind it, you should think about seeing other people once you're ready. Depending on how your breakup went, this could help you a lot in rebuilding our confidence and healing yourself. Keep in mind this isn't about making your ex jealous. It's about you. In fact, they don't even have to find out about it if you'd like.

• ### Have Fun The bottom line is to have fun and discover parts of yourself that you weren't aware of. And by steadily pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, you will find your confidence skyrocketing.

---

3. Physical Wellbeing and Attractiveness

#

• Healthy diet

  It's often tempting to let ourselves go when we're feeling down. And it's not uncommon for most of us to pack on a few extra pounds right after the breakup. That's why it's even more important to be a little more vigilant, exercise a little more self-control, and do your best to maintain a healthy, balanced diet.

• Working out

  A healthy diet is best accompanied by some exercise. This can drastically affect your chances of making your ex miss you, too. The better shape you're in, the more attractive you'll feel and look. Also, remember how I mentioned above that our brain releases natural painkillers as a way to combat rejection (breakup)? Well, it just so turns out that exercise can boost your brain's natural opioids (link).

• Grooming and Hygiene

  Shutting yourselves away from the world after a breakup is common. And that's usually just the first step in our decline. Next thing you know, you haven't taken a shower in 3 days and your hair looks like a bird's nest. In short, it's not a good look, and it's definitely contributing to how low you're feeling too. Make sure to groom yourself - get a new haircut, maybe get your nails done, etc. The point is, keep yourself tip-top - not only will you look your best, but you'll also feel your best.

• Fashion

  You don't need a completely new wardrobe or a makeover. But you might enjoy it. Wearing some new clothes or trying out a new style is going to make you look different and feel more confident. You don't have to go crazy with it, either.

• ### Ne Plus Ultra Literally meaning "not further beyond," ne plus ultra refers to the highest point capable of being attained, or the most perfect something can be. Your goal isn't just to be as good as you were when you started dating. Your goal should be to be the best you can be. Period.

---

Maintain Intelligent Space

#

The first part focused on working on yourself and generally staying away from your ex. But the space has to be broken down at some point if you want them to miss you (and eventually win them back). And you need to break this space in a systematic fashion or it could jeopardize all the work you've been putting into yourself.

You'll be gradually going through different stages to get to the final goal of winning them back - reigniting the first spark again, building a sense of longing, capitalizing on the fear of missing out, etc - and we can separate them into two main categories.

1. No Direct Contact

• No contact

  We're talking about maintaining space and that begins with no contact. Earlier we covered why no contact is so important for you to become the best you can be. But it's also crucial to let your ex be the person who can actually miss you. The breakup would've been hard for the both of you, and the negativity from it isn't going to suddenly disappear. If you try to engage your ex while the feelings of negativity are still fresh, it will just reinforce those negative feelings. That is why it's crucial that you wait until those negative feelings disperse, and only then make contact.

• Social Media

  Social media is a great tool to sow the seeds of reconnection. Since you both won't be in contact via phone, messages, etc, social media is a great way to cross over the fence. If you both still follow each other on social media, your ex is probably going to check up on your posts every once in a while. By posting regular updates and stories, you can make your ex think about you and wonder what you're up to. You can post pictures with new friends, and doing new activities to make them feel a bit jealous. Or you could even post photos taken at spots you shared with your ex. There are a lot of possibilities. If your ex isn't that active in social media, don't worry - he probably has a lot of friends who are, and they'll keep him informed on what you're up to. If you've never been much of a social media person, that's fine. You can start small - remember, trying new activities is part of this process too.

• "Send" a message through friends

  Once you're ready, start hanging out with mutual friends. Make sure it's people you actually like. Spend time with them, enjoy their company, and tell them all the great things that are going on in your life. The next time they're with your ex, they will share what you told them.

• Date someone new

  If you're up for it, starting to date new people will probably pique your ex's interest. Especially if it's someone they know. However, it's imperative to keep your priorities in order. Your desires take precedence, not the chance to make your ex a little jealous. Don't just date to get a reaction out of them. Date if you really want to.

• ### Run into them organically Running into an ex after a period of no contact is sometimes a very smooth way to start talking again. Even if you guys don't start talking right after, it's going to help make them miss you. Especially if you've been putting in all the work on yourself the past couple months. Arranging to run into your ex isn't very easy though. Recruiting the help of your friends would be a good idea. Maybe your ex likes to visit a specific place often.

---

2. Direct Contact

#

• Start with a text (or DM)

  Once you've waited through the no contact period, worked on yourself, waited for your ex to be ready to make contact, etc., the easiest way to establish contact is by a text message (or direct message on social media, like Instagram or Facebook). What exact platform you use (Instagram, SMS, WhatsApp, etc) depends on what was most comfortable for you both.

• You should reach out with intent

  You guys have been going through No Contact for a while, and you're trying to make sure your first bit of contact comes across comfortable, not awkward. This is why you can't just leave a random message. There should be purpose and intent behind the text you send. eg: "I just found out Your-Favorite-Band is releasing a new album! I still won't forget you made us walk two miles in rain to see them perform lol."

• Take it easy

  When you're just re-establishing contact, it's important to not scare your ex. Play it cool, be friendly, polite, keep everything simple at first. If it makes it easier, try to treat her how you treat your other friends.

• Reach out on special occasions

  Reaching out to your ex on special dates, like their birthday or New Year, is a great way to subtly express affection. These gestures will let your ex know that they're still on your mind without it seeming like they're the only thing you think about.

• ### Show/Tell them how awesome your life is You've been working hard these past couple months to turn your life up to the max. And it's finally time to let your ex in on it. Besides posting regular updates on social media to pique his interest, once you guys make contact, make sure to tell him about stuff too. Not only will it make him think about how he could be part of your awesome life, it'll prompt him to open up more about his current life too.

---

Want Guaranteed Results?

The Best Relationship Advice For You:
Click here to chat with a relationship coach. We have a team of highly trained relationship coaches who get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you're worried about. You immediately connect with a coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here to start.

--