If couples coaching is something you might be considering, then it is important to allow yourself some time to reflect about the process. Think about how you can make it a more pleasant experience and use it as an opportunity to learn and significantly improve your relationship. Not everyone feels safe sharing their story and being vulnerable while opening up to a stranger, so we’ve gathered a few of the most relevant topics on this matter to help you better understand the journey of couples coaching.
That being said, if you are considering relationship coaching for couples take a look at this simple list of 5 small tips and behaviors that will enhance your experience and help you make the most of it.
Couples Coaching is valuable for EVERY couple. Whether you have been with your partner for 2 months or 20 years, whether you are on cloud 9 or really struggling with certain issues, couples coaching is a valuable tool that will help you feel closer to your partner, overcome emotional hurdles and build a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It all starts with understanding your goals, fears and challenges. Because this is unfamiliar territory, you might find yourself feeling somewhat uncomfortable at first. If the idea of sharing your personal story and intimate memories with a stranger feels daunting, chances are you will feel a good amount of discomfort… At first! Eventually, you will notice how this is a safe place where you can share your valuable thoughts and feel seen and heard. Your coach will create a welcoming space so that you can feel supported and validated. But none of that will matter if you don’t embrace the task at hands. Accept that there will be moments of discomfort, and that these are required in order to achieve progress. Express yourself through the course of sessions, and don’t be afraid to provide feedback about your experience, so that the path can be adjusted accordingly to your preferences. Coaching for couples doesn’t have to be the same for every couple, so you’ll notice your coach will want to gather all the relevant information first in order to properly understand which topics to tackle and how to tackle them in a way that helps you and your partner evolve and make progress.
Most people are not used to being outside of their comfort zone. We go through life searching for safe, comfortable places and activities and we can end up falling into routine. Your coach will ask you some unexpected questions and even propose some outside-the-box exercises to help you better understand yourself and your partner. Couples Coaching is meant to stir the waters. Being open-minded is crucial so that you can give yourself a proper chance to actually learn and make progress. Think of this example: when we are babies learning to walk we let our sense of curiosity motivate us. We are not afraid of falling or making a fool of ourselves in front of others. We simply do it because it is good for us. Imagine if babies would be embarrassed, afraid everyone would see them try and fail? Afraid of getting hurt. What would happen then? We would spend our whole lives seating because our fears would be bigger than our dreams. Keep in mind doing stuff that feels silly helps expand your comfort zone if you push hard enough and take it seriously. Some tasks will be corny or awkward, some tasks will appear boring, but give them a chance, and you’ll soon you will be learning more about yourself and others. Developing an open mind is a skill that will prove to be valuable not just for online marriage coaching sessions, but also to every other area of your life. Look at this as an opportunity to expand your safe space and have fun while doing so.
It’s easy to feel like no one understands your struggles and that the best course of action is to simply nod your head in agreement without actually sharing your take on anything. However, as one should expect in such circumstances, it’s likely that this type of behavior might be preventing you from achieving your goals. Honesty is a fundamental part of the process. Even if at times you may feel what you have to say is not relevant, positive or valuable enough, ask yourself this question: is it true? If so, then it is relevant, positive and valuable for this journey. However, you’ll notice your coach will introduce the couple to a few rules to be applied in communication. The idea is that both you and your partner can use your couples coaching sessions as platforms for honesty and transparency while at the same time working on developing a very considerate and respectful dynamic of communication. You’ll be given tools that will help you voice yourself in a way that truly conveys your personal perspective without allowing conversations to escalate severely. The goal here is to give you a platform to be heard, but most importantly, to be understood. And your partner will have the same opportunity. Relationship coaching for couples requires the same amount of honesty and consideration.
Having doubts is part of the process. Don’t feel bad about not understanding everything that is suggested or explained through the course of sessions. Ask questions. Feel free to share your perspective on topics and give voice to your concerns. Your coach will base their approach in researches and previous studies conducted by well respected names of the industry and every topic will be studied and supported by research, not speculation. However, some things may not be clear at first. While some concepts will come easy to you, others may seem more difficult to grasp. So, ask questions! This is a safe space to learn (in a very dynamic way) and participation plays a huge and very relevant part in this learning journey.
Oftentimes, we are afraid of judgment, and our tendency as humans is to assume our questions are not valuable, or will make us seem stupid or ignorant. Rest assured this is not the case at all. Questions indicate you are giving couples coaching a real opportunity to impact your life by thinking about the different concepts and topics at hands.
If you find it uncomfortable to ask questions mid-session, then try writing them down and sharing them once your coach gives you the floor. Plus, taking notes about the subjects in debate is also valuable. This will allow you to keep track of both you and your partners’ perspective, fears and goals.
Couples coaching is not a fairytale. It is possible that you will feel frustrated at times. It is possible that it will take you a while before you can feel understood and heard by your partner. Learning about yourself and finding out what your contribution is to the problems you are experiencing can also be a challenging experience. And that is okay. Negative emotions are required and expected so that you can make progress and overcome your struggles. Thus, the importance of reminding yourself of your goals every day. Couples coaching requires dedication and resilience. Every morning, or every night, create the habit of envisioning your dream relationship. How does that feel like? What is your partner saying to you? How are you responding? Imagine little and endearing interactions. Envision feeling connected, safe, loved. Feed these nurturing thoughts. They will motivate you to continue facing this journey even when in the presence of hardship or while having a bad day. It’s likely that your coach will ask you what your goal is at the beginning of this experience. Don’t rush your answer. Give yourself time to gather enough inspiration so that this goal is so strong and honest that it can be a daily reminder of why it is important sticking to the journey with an open-mind and a heart filled with beautiful intentions.
Accept there will be some uncomfortable moments and embrace them; be open-minded about exercises and tasks; make use of honesty and consideration in the same measure while expressing yourself; ask questions, take notes; and finally, remind yourself of your goals every single day of this journey.
If both you and your partner can stick to this list of bullet points, then this process should be easy breezy! Are you ready to give it a go? ☺
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