Women get tons of likes from men and are slammed with messages. And there aren't enough hours in the day to get through them all. Men need their profile to stand out. They need to show personality or evoke some emotion or else they'll be ignored after a quick glance.
This is not an uncommon sight for men on OKCupid:
And the worst part - there are many awesome, interesting guys who rarely get matches or responses. I found my husband of 5 years on OKCupid, so I know they're out there!
The problem is in how they present themselves.
Take Jason for example, he may be a great guy, but…
…his profile doesn't show it. Even if he had a great opener, it may be ignored.
On OKCupid, your first profile picture plays a large role in your first impression, but so does the rest of your profile. Even if you have a great first picture, you're likely to be ignored if your profile looks like this:
When creating your profile, your goal is to sell yourself. It should be a combination of the right photographs, the right information, and your personality. It should also cater to who you are looking for. You want your profile to be a balance of telling the world who you are and telling the world what you are attracted to in a person.
The first thing that she is going to notice about your profile is your main profile picture. This photo should be one of just you. You want it to be a good, clear picture of your face. If there are other people in the photo it can be confusing. If she can not clearly see your face then she may think that you are being a little shady. Remember: it is not a given that she will scroll through the rest of the profile or look at your other photos.
Now that we have your main photo out of the way, let’s talk about the other photos. A picture is worth a thousand words. Use your photos to show off your life. Do you have pets? Do you have kids? Do you have friends? You want photos that show you doing the things that you love doing with the people that you care about. Each photo does not need to be all three things – but it needs to be at least one of the above. You also need a mix of things. You should not be doing the exact same activity in every photo. Likewise, selfies are fine but every photo should not be a selfie. Also, under no circumstances should your main photo be a selfie.
Stand out – your user name should sum up who you are
Of course, there are also the basic questions that you will have to answer: age, gender, and so on. You want to be honest here. If you lie, she will eventually know when she meets you and – for most women - no amount of rapport building will make up for lying about your age or your height or your level of education.
Beyond the basic questions, there are also the longer parts of the profile that you can fill out. You really want to use this area to put your personality out there. Write about what you love and what you are passionate about. Don’t worry about whether or not the reader is a fan of what you like. The right person either will be or won’t care that you are. Also, passion looks good on everyone.
If you have time, answer a lot of questions. One of the great things about OkCupid is that questions are sometimes user generated – so the questions that you can answer are limitless. Dating is a numbers game so play smart. You may not care about her answer to question number 143, but she may care a lot about yours. Answering questions can led to more productive matches.
There will be a portion where you talk about what you are looking for. Fill that out. You are going to want to focus on the person and not her body. Sometimes this is all about framing – frame what you are looking for in a way that does not make her roll her eyes.
It is okay to be a little divisive in your profile. If you have a certain requirement that has to be met or a pet-peeve that is an absolute hard boundary for you, then it is okay to say that. If you do it right you’ll only turn away the people that you are not interested in. It does, however, matter how you say it. Be polite about it. Being rude may turn away potential dates who meet your standard but are put off by your manners.
Which brings us to this: Whatever you do – do not be negative. Negativity is not sexy and no one came here to read about how much you hate the world. It is better to talk about what you want and what you like than what you do not want and what you hate.
If there is one piece of advice that you take it is this – be funny. Not every line needs to a joke, but even putting a little self-deprecating humor can go a long way.