I do want my ex back but have now accepted that we are over. We are currently doing NC and I feel like she is totally and completely done with the relationship. I'm not hoping to get her back because honestly the chances of that happening seem slim-to-none. Furthermore, she appears to be in a state of partying and not addressing the issues in her life that I believe are causing her some pretty real damage.
What, in your opinion, is the best way of moving forward whilst also being open to us getting back together in the future? I have been doing an enormous amount of self work (gym, picked up guitar again, rekindling old friendships, being more social, barely playing video games etc) which is boosting my self-esteem.
I do not see her coming back (mainly due to the fact I don't think she is actually doing any self-healing herself) and even if she did it would take a pretty monumental show of effort and change on her behalf. Regardless of how things go I will continue with rebuilding myself - but should I perhaps date other girls and get myself back out there? Any advice would be appreciated, cheers :)
If you actually make positive improvements in your non-romantic life, your ex will pick up on that in a very short interaction with you. So you should be hopeful about having the opportunity to show your ex the new and improved version of yourself... and possibly gain feelings for you again. But, again, this only works if you actually follow through with improving yourself (friends, dating other girls, health, career).
Thanks for the response! I actually saw my ex last night at a mutual friends birthday. She seems inquisitive about how I am - going to the gym, playing guitar, blah blah. I almost got the vibe that she wanted to talk to me about things (serious things).
But honestly I don't want her back until I see a show of effort from her to do positive things for herself. To take responsibility for her own actions and wrongs in the relationship, which she seems totally unwilling to do at this point in time. She seems too busy being social and partying. I guess it's just time that will tell if she will ever do this or not and it is no longer my responsibility to help her.
I believe the partying and social life boost is her way of dealing with this, I'd love to know if she will ever snap out of that but I'm guessing it isn't something you can really give an answer to - it's all up to her.
>To take responsibility for her own actions and wrongs in the relationship
What do you think she did wrong?
She brought a huge amount of stress into the relationship via her work. I brought it up multiple times that it was affecting me and us and she basically said I need to deal with it because she needs the experience. I know this sounds horrible of her (and it is) but I believe it to be part of the bundle of issues that stopped us from communicating well.
Also what do you think her response will be if I do start dating other girls? Of course I am not looking to do this to get revenge or something, but the simple fact is I like dating and/or being in a relationship. I will only do this when I am ready though.
Did she personally attack you during her stressed out episodes? If not, and base don what you're saying, what she did doesn't sound that bad. You getting defensive at her stressing out may have preventing you from holding a constructive conversation.
>I know this sounds horrible of her
Again, I don't have the whole story but you may have caused things to go worse than.
Let me know if this sounds accurate before I processed.
She wouldn't personally attack but wasn't open to doing something about the issue. I offered to help her deal with the situation and even help her find another job because she said she wasn't happy there and wanted a new job. But ultimately she never showed that she wanted to actively do something about it despite my offers. This for me was when I felt like we stopped properly being able to communicate and address any issues we had in the relationship.
She may have just been complaining/venting and didn't really want you to "fix" her problem, but instead just emotionally support her. I could be wrong, but my point is that you should be doubtful about your negative attitude towards her. If you really do harbor this kind of unwarranted resentment towards her, then getting her back won't make a difference. The same issues will surmise.
That's possibly true. I'll have a think about it. Thanks for the advice!