I just want her in my life


Me and my ex recently broke up but we were still on talking terms at first but then i made her feel bad about my life and tried to guilt her as if my bad life was her fault and she got sad and then would barely talk to me and then after that told my not to contact her. I contacted her a day early and she got upset and had her mother told me she wants me to wait for het to contact me. I had someone message her because i had been miserable and im selfish and she said she cant be friends with me but i didnt know if that meant forever so i messaged her telling her how i felt today and she said that how dare i say i care about her when all im doing is pissing her off. I said that imnot meaning to and just need to know if this is goodbye forever and she said that she isnt going to give me another chance to redeme myself because i will obviously just mess it up and that i need to learn that i cant get her to be my friend by just crying and begging and pleading because i need to know thats not how the world works and that i fucked up too many times and she will not allow me to hurt her anymore than i already have and i said pretty much that im looking for one more chance to be just friends but if she doesnt believe me ill understand and she said ok leave me alone before i show my mother and i asked if it was forever and all she said is that if i messaged her one more time she would get her mother involved so i havent replied and that wasnt an hour ago. I just dont get why she wouldnt just say yes it is forever goodbye instead of saying that. I also wanna know how to be friends with her again
Before you can know if you can repair the friendship, you have to respect her wishes and giver her time to work through her feelings. It sounds like you could use some time, too. You should keep your distance - no talking, no messaging, no sending your friends to talk to her - for at least a month. During that time, it's really important that you focus on dealing with those huge emotions you're feeling. It sounds like you're going through a lot, and that you're feeling a lot of seriously intense things. Try to find ways to deal with those feelings that aren't taking them out on her, or expecting her to fix them. Try picking up new hobbies that might help like running, or writing, or music. Anything that lets you get all of that out and let it go. And if you can figure out what it is, work on improving what's making you miserable. Either fix it, face it, or stay away from it. That way, when you do talk to her again, you can be more in control of yourself and your life, and she won't feel that you're making her responsible for fixing it.
Well i already told her id never message her again if thats what she wanted and she didnt specifically say not to but im scared to even message her after a month
Is it ok to message her after a month or sooner because im scaree of losing her ive been feeling conflictes but there isnt anyone else i want to sleep next to
I think that Casmira gave great advice when she suggested no contact for at least 30 days. This gives you time to cool down and process your emotions, as well as assess any areas in your life that may need improvement. Once you do reach out, keep the message fairly neutral; ask how she's doing, or bring up something that reminded her of you (such as an inside joke, or a movie you both relate to), but for right now, I think it's healthiest for both of you to have some distance.
same here i want my ex wife to be in my life