Me and my ex girlfriend had broken up late August in 2017. She had wanted to save her next kiss for her wedding day and I was selfish I did not give it to her. I promised her I would but I didn’t and it caused us to fight a lot. After our break up she wanted to be friends but I didn’t because I saw her more than a friend. We dated for a year and two months. As time went by she accused me of cheating on her and cussed me out three times and I ignored her messages and I would talk with her family and friends and ask them for help. I go to school and I work with this girl so it’s very hard to do anything. I miss her and love her so much that I still want her back. She told me before that if it’s in God’s will we will be together. As of today my friend texted her recently and showed her evidence that I didn’t cheat and she said to him she just said that because I said things and she didn’t care. And my friend told her I wanted her and she said she would never get back with me and that she can’t stand me and I annoy her even though I haven’t texted or talked to her and she pretends my existence doesn’t exist. She hates my guts from what it seems. I really am in need of a miracle. Please help me. I’m so desperate for this woman to come back into life. She was my everything except God. We are both 18. Please help me. She says she’s is over me, but she doesn’t love me anymore but please help me get her back.
It sounds like things were left on pretty bad terms. Although her accusations of you cheating were false, it doesn't sounds like that ever got fully cleared up earlier. She has had several months with the information that you broke up because you cheated, so it is not surprising that even faced with the evidence that you did not cheat, all of those feelings that were tied to that are still there.
It also becomes increasingly difficult to decipher messages when you are hearing them through your friend. Why not reach out to her directly? If it has been several months since you last spoke, send her a light, friendly text message, and see what she says. Say something like, “I was flipping through the channels last night and caught the tail-end of [a movie she always loved]. It made me think of you. How’ve you been?” Make sure to end it with an open-ended conversation, like I did, to keep the conversation going. If she responds, keep your message stress-free by avoiding any emotional conversation like, “I miss you so much” and stick with something that wouldn’t be weird to say to someone you just started dating.
She may not respond at all, but it’s likely that she will. She may have been thinking about the proof that your friend showed her. Even if her response is negative, it at least will give you a better idea of what issues need addressed.
Her mother thinks I should leave her alone because I’m too clingy around her. I texted her a week ago just saying hi and I’m open to talk and if not I understand have a good day and she hasn’t responded at all.
How do you know that her mother thinks you are too clingy? It sounds like the message you sent her gave her a different impression then we usually suggest clients try to make. By saying that you are open to talking, your ex may have gotten the impression that you immediately wanted to talk about how you'd like to date again. I'd recommend waiting another week, and following up with a message that mentions something positive and fun you just did, and ask her an easy to respond question. Something along the lines of “ I saw our old friend yesterday! They were teasing me about the time I made a fool of myself when I….. Do you ever still talk to them?”
I talk A lot to her sister and she tells me everything. My friend has a message from her saying she is done with me and my dumb drama even though I haven’t talked to her. I want to talk to her but she doesn’t want anything to deal with me. Like I said she said she doesn’t want to ever be with me again and I can’t take that. It felt so complete having her. How do you really know it’s too late? Or is there even a chance I have to get her back?
It's impossible to predict what would happen in the future between you two but you can better your chances at getting her back if you just give her some space right now, then follow up after a week with a light and casual reengagement message. The space is important because she needs that time to heal. We can help you further in an advice session -- in an advice session, we'd create a custom plan for you and then guide you through it, step by step.
Well, there's always a chance. But it doesn't sound like trying to get back with her is working. It sounds like the harder you try, the more she sees it as a problem. I would strongly recommend giving her about 30 days of no contact. That includes talking about her with her sister, and asking your friends to reach out to her. Neither her sister nor your friends should talk to her about you either. After you have respected her space, and showing her you are not looking for drama, then you might have a better chance at getting back with her if you send her a fun and flirty message to reconnect.
She made it clear she was over me, she doesn’t care at all, if I ignore her what will that do? And if I contact her after the no contact phase, what do I do if she doesn’t respond?
For now, I think it's best to take things one step at a time, simply because nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, so the advice we give you today may not even be applicable a month from now, does that make sense? Let's just focus on maintaining no contact for the time being, and once we get closer to the end of that 30 days, we can start figuring out how to approach her if she hasn't reached out to you first. As for the no contact period, what that does is it allows the both of you some time and some space to clear your heads and reflect on what went 'wrong', and what changes need to be made to make your relationship stronger than it was before. Also, at this point, she is more than likely *expecting* you to reach out. When you don't, chances are that she will wonder why, and that curiosity alone could draw her back to you.
But if she is truly over me, what will the no contact do? She says she happy and all, but what will this even do? How do I know there is a chance?
There is always a chance. You've already won her over once, that says there's a good chance that you could do it again. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees. If she is completely over you, it won't matter if you do no contact or if you keep asking her to get back. But you have seen with your own eyes that asking her and continuing to make contact has not made a difference. So it's time to try something new. It's time to make a choice to try no contact because that gives you the best chance of getting back with her. She is a fully autonomous person, and therefore we cannot predict exactly what she will do. But no contact has been proven to increase your chances the best.
MY question then will be when is it too late or when do you know for sure they will never re enter life again?
You are essentially letting fear drive you, as Marlena mentioned above "best to take things one step at a time, simply because nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, so the advice we give you today may not even be applicable a month from now" Take things one day at a time. Go slow and always improve yourself.
Okay, just tell me what you think of this, her words to my friend who shows her I didn’t cheat:
“Whatever. I honestly don’t even care anymore. I’m over it. It seems as though he isn’t. And either way that’s not evidence to me. Ale never explicitly said he cheated on me. I said that after the things he said to her. But tbh I don’t care😂🤷🏼♀️.”
My friend then asked if I can somehow get my respect back and dismiss this. He also told her I wanted her back if not evident enough and her reply was;
“I’m not ever gonna be with him again. I can’t stand him. Always trying to annoy me and always trying to do things he think will get to me I’m over him and his dumb drama.
My friend said that’s sucks. Look like this couple story came into an end and she ended with;
“Yeah it’s ok don’t worry about buuuddddy😊 I’m happy.”
Now I haven’t said anything to her in so long talking wise. What do y’all think I should do. I work with her this Sunday. What should I do? After reading this do you think there is even a chance? If so how is there a chance?
There is always a chance, but we cannot make guarantees. Her attitude towards you right now is not positive, so continue with the no contact. You said you work with her this Sunday. If you two are coworkers, your goal should be to improve yourself (pick up a new skill, read more, work out and get in shape.) You can be nice and cordial in person if your work requires that you two talk/are in close contact. Greet her if you happen to come across her, be friendly and polite, but don't drag out conversations or go out of your way to initiate. Just a good morning is all you really need if you see her. Don't show her that you are upset or that you know anything about what she said. Your goal should be self-improvement above all things, and coupled with no-contact, I think that will naturally create attraction, because she will see you mature and grow as a person.
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