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Admittedly I'm a bloke seeking women so maybe it's only something with women.
I've been tindering for a few weeks now, having come out of a 5-year relationship earlier in the year. I've had a not-unreasonable amount of matches (never enough amirite) despite being an eccentric 6/10. Trouble is, 80% of the time, they don't respond to my first message.
That's fine, but then they won't respond to my second one a couple of days later. Which, if I'm being mature about it, probably means they're not interested.
At that point, why wouldn't they un-match? My understanding of this app was that it is meant to take a lot of the guesswork out of shit like this, and as long as they're still in my matches I assume it's up for grabs. It doesn't seem like they see it that way.
PS: Some girls clearly realise their mistake instantly and insta-unmatch. This is disappointing but reasonable and not what I'm talking about here.
Well what are you first/second messages like?
Usually at least three paragraphs long, laying out my political manifesto and romantic situation in great detail. Usually I will try to include at least one "m'lady" and talk a lot about my ex. Then I will compliment their boobs, even if you can't see them in the photos.
Is that what you actually say?
For real though I used to try and be funny and self-deprecating which was obviously stupid, now I try to assume they don't have much of a sense of humour and go for an obvious compliment and ask how they're doing. Or failing that something interesting from their profile.
I don't know how you were trying to be funny, but a common mistake guys make is trying to be funny without progressing the conversation. Like they'd make a pun out of the person's name... but then what? It doesn't move the conversation forward.
Take a better opener, for example, for a girl who says she loves her dog in her profiles, you could say:
>So does your dog have to approve everyone you date?
This brings up the topic of dating right off the bat. Then you can comment about how you'd make a great impression on her dog - and just like that - you're making the conversation about going on a date with her.