My husband told me 2.5 months ago now that he was no longer in love with me. He says he doesn't look at me the same. And that he's felt this way for over 3 years. He was the most loving, caring, devoted father and husband anyone could ask for. Until something snapped 2.5 months ago. It was as if he was abducted by aliens. Cold, distant. He's now drinking more, smoking pot, hanging around with younger single people. He's expressed desire to go out on dates. Currently he still lives at home with me and out 3 children, although he sleeps at a buddie's house 2-3 nights a week to get his "space". He swears there is no other woman.. but obviously I have my doubts. We went to a relationship renewal retreat to try and work on things.. which definitely helped in the communication department.. but doesn't change how he feels. He wants to sell our home and separate. I get the feeling he may be going through some sort of a midlife crisis just based on his actions and attitude. He expressed interested in going skydiving etc.. something he would never have even imagined doing before. Our little girls are absolutely devastated by his behaviour already and he hasn't even told them yet that we will be separating. He is 36 years old which I heard is when midlife crisis can start. He had quit a job of 12 years to accept a new one. He started having some medical issues (vericose veins) which he's never ever had before. We recently took in his 16 year old daughter because things weren't good at her Mom's house. Also, his brother is going through a separation so he's living with us now, as well as his Father. I feel llike that big list of things could have triggered this crisis so to speak.
I am just looking for some advise on how to save my marriage because I truly believe it's for the best. I want it, the kids want it and I think deep down he does too.. although he's saying he's "done" as of right now.
Any ideas on how to move forward?
I'm having a hard time coping with this totally shocking situation... I cry constantly, my anxiety is over the moon. I'm not eating. I have seen my doctor and we are getting me back on track... but still.
Do we have any hopeshere?
There is always a chance. And I agree, based on what you described, it sounds like the excessive amount of stress in your husband's life at the moment has caused him to have a small crisis of some sorts. I think your best bet may be to start setting some boundaries about what kind of behavior you will allow out of your husband in your own home. At the moment it seems like he's getting the best of both worlds. He gets to have a wife to come home to who loves him and takes care of him, but he also gets to go out and act like he's single and young again. Unfortunately, I think there are some hard decisions you will have to make about what you were willing to tolerate to save your marriage. If you'd like some more personalized advice, I suggest we move into an advice session. This is a difficult and complex issue, and I don't think I can address it fully in this setting.