2 weeks ago my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. We are both freshman in college and dated for all of high school. I know we are young, but I love her. For the weeks leading up she said she didn't know what she wanted anymore. I did not make any friends and was pretty dependent on her and made her feel trapped. During the break up I found out she had made a date with another guy on her phone, she tried to take it away and I pushed her. She bruised. I abused the women I love in anger, Im so ashamed I know im in the wrong. But i would never harm her, never this was the first time anything like this happened. For the first week she was amicable and even texted my friends to look out for me. But once she saw I was doing ok and going out she got mad at me. I followed my counselors advice and told her i was giving her space again after 2 weeks of no contact but she replied and told me we would never be friends and that she would never get back with me, that she hates me and breaking up with me was great and cant believe she didnt do it sooner. she even claimed i abused her maliciously. 1 would never hurt her. I love her so much and would do anything to win her back. Is this just the anger phase of the break up or does she truly hate me. its only been 2 weeks since the breakup. She posted on social media a picture of her with her friends and she looked terrible. i am following the no contact rule after she told me she hates me and will not talk to her until she contacts me. Help is this truly the end or no? Will she come back? Does she still care? We had talked about marriage multiple times to which she agreed when the time was right and now this... Please help. What does this mean?
Break ups tend to be hard on both people, and it isn't uncommon for either members to go through the "stages of grief." If she's very upset right now I suspect it could be partially due to her coming to terms with how the relationship ended. You're already on the right track by continuing the "no contact."I always remind my clients that yes, this is the end of your last relationship. That is a good thing! Your relationship, as it was, was not working out. Going back to that relationship won't be a positive thing because something/a few things need to change before you can make it work. It is possible to have a fresh start with someone. However, rather than focusing on what you think they may be feeling, it is important to not lose sight of your goals during this "no contact" period because overthinking tends to have negative outcomes. Keep looking forward and working on the goals little-by-little. You can do it.
But she has said that she hates me, that our entire relationship was a waste of time and that now that we are broken up she cant believe she didn't do it sooner. She says we will never, ever be friends nor will we be together again. She says she will be amicable when she sees me because shes mature but other than that im dead to her. Is this truly the end of the relationship for ever? How can 4 years of love turn to hate so fast? Is this just anger or her true thoughts. Can I ever salvage this? its only been 2 weeks but she has never said these kind of things before... Her friends and family are all saying good move on. She has been on a few dates since the break up.Even my own are but they dont understand I truly love her. Does she feel the same? is there hope? Or should i just accept the fact we are over forever and move on... I know our old relationship is dead but is there any hope of starting a new one? Any at all?
There is always hope, things like this are never set in stone, but at the same time, things like this require much patience. I know it may be hard right now, but please bear in mind that all of this is as fresh to her as it is to you. She will need some time to work through her feelings about everything. I recommend continuing to give her space, and using that time to build your own independence. Now is a perfect opportunity for you to make new friends, try out new activities, or pursue interests that you may not have had enough time for. Giving her space will allow both of you to calm your emotions, and in time, she may start to see that you've grown and changed as a person.
I see, so it sounds like if we are to be together again it will take multiple months or even years. This troubles me as I love her more than anything. If thats what it takes i guess, We see each other all the time at university, what should i do about that? I was told to pretend that she isnt that but that doesnt feel right. I was also told not to post anything on social media so she doesnt think of me and to just disapear from her life. This doesnt feel right to me, what should i do??
If it's both painful for both of you, perhaps you can unfollow her, or put her on a filtered list where she doesn't see your posts. However, if you're not comfortable with that and know she looks at your facebook, I would avoid posting anything that sounds remotely like vaguebooking about her. At school, you don't have to pretend she doesn't exist per say, but the only thing you can do right now, is focus on your school work, graduating, and showing her that you're doing your own thing.
So from what your saying it sounds like my situation is kinda hopeless and I should move on.
No, I'm saying that you just have to act unaffected, and focus on what you can do right now.