Losing the one


My fiance and I broke up 3 weeks ago. We have been together for 6 years and have children together. Within the last year we have gone through much stress and losses. I broke her trust when it came to monetary situation and within 24 hours she asked for a separation. She said she loves me so much and it hurts her to have to but it's the right thing. Of course I begged and asked forgiveness. After a week we stopped with endearments with each other when via text,calls,in person children drop off. I started counseling immediately and truly saw that the lack of communication and other problems boiled down to my lack of self respect. She is truly one of a kind. I've been married and divorced when I was younger. We like many other couples have had Tiff's and little fights but not like this. There's still communication and once in a while she sends a hunny,love u, text. But once I respond she's cold. I have rest goals for myself and my children,and what I want out of life. But I want nothing more than to reach them with her. And help her achieve her goals. Our relationship was something out of a love novel. And I definitely still see that it's there but she is very goal oriented and has put a wall to block emotion like I've never seen. With the fact we have children and own a business together. I've stepped away from business to give her space but she wants everyday share with children and controlling my emotions are tough. My reaching out has been late night struggling but I've been her emotional support during days for she's struggling with breakup also. What do I do????
So hard, I know. Reading this straight away I see a few places where you are placing her recovery above your person. It is great that you are seeking counseling and with time you will change your patterns. You said it yourself in your own message, essentially, "I am having a hard time letting of of this transition, I have a lack of self respect that I am now seeking counseling for. I know my wife and I dearly love each-other, but Im scared working on myself will make me lose her. " The thing is, the pain is there to go through. The late night struggling is for you to process where you need to learn how to self soothe and not have her as a pacifier for your loneliness. I believe continuing counseling and keep making these improvements to be a better partner will possibly help her see she should recommit. Right now though. You need to be firm that the back and forth emotional stuff is making your progress more difficult and I recommend looking at where your boundaries and self image can improve. I would like to personally break this down with you in a session. As it is a piece by piece process and cannot be accomplished over night. Thank you for reaching out to us here!