My wife left me 5 months ago. Her main issues with me were:
- I should pay more for our life
- keep my promises
- talk more and easily to her
- join finances
- plan trips together
- celebrate life and anniversaries and make her feel that we are a team
I did a pretty bad job during the whole marriage, she broke up with 3 times before. I now went to therapy, learned and know that I can be a better guy. But she is not open anymore. I'm not sure what to do anymore.
Not open as in she refuses to respond back? There are several ways you can show her you've changed.
She does respond via email or text. No talking or seeing her. But she always makes it clear that I should forget about her and I shouldn't have hope.
After 5 months and she feels this strongly, I think there's more to the story, which I'd need to know before giving advice on what to do next. I recommend a live advice session.
It sounds like your wife has had issues with the relationship for a long time now. She's brought up these problems in the past, but it wasn't until recently that you've been serious about change. Therapy (structured time to work on yourself) is a good idea for anyone. Yet it's important to realize that you're making these improvements for YOU, first and foremost. Even if the relationship doesn't survive, you'll be better off from those improvements and the hard work they take. Real change takes time, and if you rush to tell her all the ways you've changed, it may come across as insincere.
If you haven't already, consider writing her a "dignified goodbye message." Here you should explain how you understand what went wrong in the relationship, the things you wish you had handled differently, and how you understand her perspective better. Then leave the door open for a new relationship later down the line. That way, in a while from now, you can reengage her on a more equal footing, and maybe she'll be willing to give things another shot.
To be honest it's not more. The problem was the issues were always the same.
Writing her a goodbye message would be the end I'm sure. Is there something else I can do?
My understanding was that the relationship had already ended. The "dignified goodbye message" is a way to summarize everything up until this point, so that a new relationship can develop later on. It's not a "goodbye forever" message. We can talk more about how to tackle the changes she wishes to see in the relationship in an advice session, if you'd like.
Ok. How much do you charge for it?
First 10 min free, afterwards $1 per minute
Ok. Can you give me an idea of what we are talking about? Also could we talk today?
Sure, we can discuss more about what things to talk about with her today, whenever you're free.