Hey I’m looking for some advice as I feel I’ve no one to talk to about this, I met this girl online and things were going brilliant, we had so much in common we lived in the same area and we were both attracted to each other, our conversations were long and we got on so so well it was easy to talk and didn’t feel like a task coming up with things to say to her, I used to get flowers sent to her work to surprise her things felt right..after talking on the phone and texting we met up after about a month(she has a child which is why it took a long time) our first date was amazing we had so much fun, we then met another good few times and spent more time together, she would text me stuff like “our children will be beautiful” and that she was so glad she met me because she had never got on with anyone as easily as me, things were great and I thought I’d finally found that person I could see myself with for a long time, as time went on I didn’t see it at the time but I was over texting and calling her until she eventually told me we stopped speaking for 2 weeks until I reached out to her as I knew I didn’t want to lose her and I had to get a few things off my mind, she also said she couldn’t delete my number because she didn’t really want to let me go...We spoke again for about a week and I then done the same thing again without even noticing until she said I was smothering her and she felt overwhelmed and that it was too much, I know she has blocked my number but I have her email address,I’ve not spoken in a week or so, I don’t want to lose this person but I’m confused as to weather I should let it go, wait a while or reach out to her?? Bit of info we are both 29 she has a 3 year old son and things are complicated with that side as she has a restraining order against his dad due to violence, can someone please help and advise me I really don’t want to lose this person..??
I think that for the time being it would be best to give your ex some space, and initiate no-contact for the time being to allow her to have time to process and resolve some things. I believe that it will ultimately give her the end result she's looking for, and allow her to have the opportunity to think back on all the fond memories you have together rather than dwell on the recent and troubling issues - allowing for a more ample chance to resolve the issues the two of you had together and ultimately open the door for more.
Thanks, I’m just afraid she will move on within that time period or forget about me, I’m willing to try anything and I will try this non contact period, I have no idea how women think after things like this and that’s the scary part of unknoweness
You can't predict with certainty if she will move on or not. But we can say that repeatedly reaching out and asking her to be with you only pushes her further away. You've seen this happen with your own eyes. So if staying in contact hasn't worked, trying no contact can't put you in any worse of a position. But in my professional experience, no contact is the most effective way to get a fresh start on the relationship. If she has been a victim of domestic violence, she may be more skittish than other people, and for good reason. Patience and respecting her need for space is the best way to make her feel safer.
Ok Erica thanks, she did mention that she needed space and also I know that there was a few personal things involving her sons father and the courts and that she needed time to focus on what’s going on with that and her son and that I was just adding stress to this terrible situation also as it has just came up and it’s so close to Christmas..
Yup, this season is one of the most difficult for relationships. There are all kinds of pressures and expectations that come along with Christmas. It is likely that if you back off from your ex a bit, she will appreciate not have another stressor right before Christmas. Perhaps two weeks after the New Year would be a good time to reach out again. The pressure from Christmas is gone but its too soon for the pressure of Valentine's Day. You are doing great thinking about how your ex must feel during this time. Keep that in mind and take your time reaching back out to her. I think if you wanted to send her one message saying that you were going to respect her needs for space and that you hope you guys can reconnect in a few weeks, I think that might go far in reassuring your ex that you still care. But any more than that would be too much, too soon.
Yeah thanks, as much as I want to just contact her because I miss her and think about her every day almost part of me is now thinking I should leave it and allow her to reach out to me as it wasn’t me who ended things and it’s not me who’s going through this stressful time,I’m afraid incase I contact her at the wrong time and it goes badly because she is an outspoken and stubborn person, what would you think about that?
You are doing well and you are on the right path. Even though this feels like the wrong thing to do, no contact is actually what’s been proven to work the most often. If you want some more personalized advice, we can move into an advice session.