I am trying to get my wife back. I have made a list of all the things I was doing wrong that I can recall, I have started therapy, I am depressed and vary sad about this whole thing but I do think that I was depressed before this happened. I need help getting her back. I don’t know what to do. I would like my wife back, our marriage and our family. What do I need to do?
It is good that you have acknowledged the areas where you went wrong in the relationship so you know what to work on going forward. What were the issues in your marriage that caused it to breakdown?
Mostly the way I was treating her. I was distant, depressed, I never learned how to express my feelings being that’s how I grow up. I would come home from work and sit on the couch and watch tv and if she tried to talk to me I would get upset or if she asked me to do anything I would get upset also, I didn’t help with the kids and all that went on for 5 years and I didn’t know my actions were causing such pain and resentment because my family growing up were not that nice to me I was the Black sheep and didn’t get affection or shared emotions. I know that now I just don’t know what to do to win her heart back and bring her back into my life as more then a friend. What Can I do
Have you spoken to her recently? Have you brought up your feelings? If not now would be a good time to take a step back and formulate a well thought out response letting her know. Show her you can be genuine, that you're aware of your shortcomings, and you're eager to work on them so that way you can focus your energy on your relationship with her.
I have talked to her I even wrote a 9 page love letter explaining everything and how I feel And how all I is to reunite with her what do o do now
That's good that you were able to get all of your feelings out but; the 9 page letter might be a bit much for her and drive her away, even if you have good intentions behind it.
Ok so what Can I do to fix all this how do I win her heart back
When was the last time you two had contact? how did it go?
We talked today and it went good I told her I love her and she said it back but at the same time she says she needs to be alone to figure her self out and wants me to do the same.
I would like to know what to do now.
So since she asked for space, you'll want to respect her decision. If you continue pushing she'll just turn the other way. Constantly reaching out will only push her away. If you'd like we can start an advice session where you can get a more personalized plan of what you can do to better your chances of getting her back
Well she calls and text me and she also says she wants to be friends just not be with me right now. Is there a way to show her I’m not that same person that was with her I am the person she first met
To do that it will take a lot of time and patience. You'll want to act on those changes. You said you had a problem with opening up in the past? open up to your kids. show them that you're changed. reach out to them. Make sure you do that because you want to though, not just because you want to show her you've changed. It will take time for her to notice these things but you'll have to keep doing it until she does, and even after. In an advice session we can help you come up with some more ideas on what you can do to better your chances of getting her back
Ok like what kinda of ideas and how would they better my odds
What else could I possibly do to win her heart back. That’s all I want is for our family to be reunited and happy.
Some other things you can do is work on bettering yourself and be there for her when needed so that she can see you're changing. Don't push her into getting back together yet. If you want a more detailed plan of some things you can do I highly recommend you try out an advice session with one of the experts.
Ok I just don’t have a lot of money right now so how Can I make sure the time I have is used extremely well
Understandable. What I recommend is typing out a bunch of background. I would recommend not to make it too long. Details are good, but dont make it too long. I'll give you some things to make sure you answer and then you can let us know about anything else you think might be important.
1. How long have you two been together?
2. What happened that led to the break up?
3. What exactly did she say when the break up initiated.
4. Have you had any contact since the break up?
5. If so when was the last time you had contact, how did it go?
6. Who initiates contact first?
7. Have you brought up trying to get back together?
8. Have you begged to get back together?
9. Where do you two stand now?
10. Have you been giving her space that she asked for?
These are some good questions that if you have filled out an expert will have a better understanding of your situation and then will be able to help you faster after reading