Not sure where to start. After a wonderful (not with out wobbles) 7 month relationship my partner who two days before leaving for a job was in tears saying she would miss me. Two days later I was dumped via a text. 5weeks went last and yes I was crushed and probably very needy and couldn’t understand what had changed. She put it down to the age gap and although I was the best relationship she had ever had she just couldn’t see past it in the end. I’m 42 and she 27. This has it been a problem up to this point. I have see her face to face since as then she went away again for 9 weeks with work, again the odd message here and there but now it seemed strained and reply’s were not forth coming. Immnow battling cancer and a brain tumor that was discovered after we had finished and she has found out and although is concerned is still very distant. I would I’ve her back in my life, she meant the word to me as I believed she was the one. I don’t want her bac out of pity I want her back and to make her truly happy... oh omits complicated... any advise please or should I just call it a day and concentrate on getting better
This is a tough situation and you have to solve several challenges all at once. My advice is to first focus on yourself and take care of the situation you need to take care of. You said it yourself, you don't want to get back together out of pity or neediness, so you need to find the head space to not give out that vibe - as difficult as it is. For this you need some time and distance. So if that is possible, stop to contact her for a while. You find some advice about such a no contact period on our website and online. This gives her the space to remember the good times you had together and you the space to some emotional control about your life, too. Given the fact that she already came back to you once, it is possible, even likely she will come again. The best way to start the no contact is to write a short on point note that you want to focus on yourself for a bit. If you contact her a few weeks down the road, your chances will be so much better.
Here’s what went down, my ex and i when we first started out the first momth it was wonderful, best i ever had with anybody and she said i was the best too, we had so much in common, plus she was my best sex partner and i was her best. Going to the middle of the second month thats where things got a little skeptical...as i was taking her out for dinner i was explaining to her about a life story of mine and because of one little word i mentioned...her perspective on me changed and it went downhill from there and i swear it wasn’t a curse word but it did trigger somthing in her that had changed her feelings about me. Long story short she wouldn’t touch me anymore and got uncomfortable when i touch her, our conversations were never contuious as before and now a few days ago i just finished making her christmas gift, later on that night thats where she dumped me. Our relationship only reached three months but i wanted to go more
Ok I can defintely help with that situation. sounds like you and your ex broke up over a small problem, and you feel that if you got back together it could be a happier and healthier relationship this time around. Firstly, I am wondering if you have had any no contact periods during the 3-4 months you have been apart. But considering that you have already given ex the adequate amount of space and time of no contacting, I believe the next step will be to start off with a text. I think you should first text something casual, that shows you are thinking of her, but nothing heavy about the relationship that could potentially push her away. It will be important to draw her back in to communicating with each other, and show her in subtle ways that you have changed and are in a better place than you were before. Once you start communicating more, and build a foundation of positive interactions and meetings, you can have a more serious conversation about the relationship and lay out the specific ways that you have changed so that the relationship will be different and happier and the second time around. I hope this helps!