Do girls really get too busy for coffee?

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My dating profile mentions board games. A woman messaged me on Bumble last Monday saying: "Hi, do you like Scrabble? That's my favorite board game!" I answered: "Yes I do! I'm not very good at it but it's the game I play with my family!" and: "We should play sometime! It would have to be after Thanksgiving, though -- I will be out of town starting tomorrow morning" She answered: "Enjoy your holiday!" and: "Yes, I'd love to play scrabble sometime!" Five days passed. Yesterday I tried to resume the conversation. I wrote: "Good morning! How was your Thanksgiving?" and got no response. Today I added: "I'm planning my weekend... It would be nice to hang out in a coffeeshop and play a few rounds of Scrabble. Does this weekend work for you?" She answered: "Hi, thanks for your message! I'd love to play Scrabble with you! But it would be great after Dec 14 -- I need to concentrate on a big exam at work" Here's my question: do people really get so busy that they can't go on a coffee date for over two weeks? Nobody does that, right? That really feels like an excuse. What's going on here? Why did she message me if she didn't want to hang out? (It might be relevant that the woman is Asian.)
The short answer is yes, because going on a date is a significant investment of time and energy, especially for girls. They have to make sure they're dressed nicely complete with hair and makeup. They want to present their best self so they want to have a good night's sleep the night before. And she doesn't want to be distracted by her big exam that she wants to be ready for. In this particular case, it's a good bet that she's being straightforward with you about logistics because we know she's currently pretty interested in you. We know this because she's taking the time to respond to you about date logistics, even though you haven't put much effort into the conversation. Most girls would ignore your texts at this stage because you haven't shown them that you're normal/safe/fun. See [this post](post:d0d1797a-9082-45be-9fa0-a89450b8fa11) for more about why more texting is usually necessary before getting this level of traction on logistics. My recommendation is to accept that seeing her Dec 14 makes sense, and in the meantime, message her on 2-3 occasions with fun lighthearted conversation using the skills we teach here, so you've built rapport ahead of time. Because even if the date was set up for this week, keep in mind that setting up the date is not enough, you also want to make it solid and avoid flakes. So she needs to see more of your personality come out over text and feel some rapport.
Thanks for the advice! I did make one attempt at "message her with fun lighthearted conversation" when I asked about her Thanksgiving, but she didn't reply. At that point I concluded that she wasn't interested in small talk and tried to move to logistics. Maybe a better conclusion might have been that "How was your thanksgiving?" wasn't fun and lighthearted enough? It looks like most of your examples of fun lighthearted conversation are from https://relationshiphero.com/@Liron/secret-formula-for-great-opener . Most of those feel painfully cheesy to me but I'll see what I can come up with.
"How was your Thanksgiving" is the obvious text that 99% of people would send. It's pleasant and works fine in a face-to-face interaction. But over texting, it's bad. See, the asker of that question invests very little mental effort, but the answerer will have a hard time coming up with a good answer. The first answer that pops into her mind is something like > It was fun, I got to see my family and we had a good meal. But she knows that that answer is lame, so she doesn't want to send that. She'll feel guilty like it's *her* fault that the conversation is dying. But it's actually your fault because you should have anticipated this. An example of a better question you could have asked is "How was your vegan tofurkey?" Then she could easily respond "Haha how'd you know I'm a vegetarian?" Or "Haha I actually love regular turkey, but it was tasty thanks for asking! We deep friend ours." She'll feel like the conversation with you is so fun and easy-flowing, but actually it's a flow you design by always thinking one or two moves ahead.


Relationship Hero
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