I met a guy 11 years ago in high school and we were pretty good friends. Lost touch, but back in September he reached out to me on social media. Since then we never stopped talking. We even fell in love with each other and talked about future plans rather quickly. The only problem is he lives in another state because he is currently in the military. But I went out there twice and every time I went it was absolutely amazing. I face timed with his family, his friends, and everything seemed great. Then I come home from my last visit and it’s like he took a 180. He said his feelings never changed that he still cares about me and loves me. That he will always love me. But right now he needs time and space to think with everything going on. By that he means his deployment coming in June which will be for a whole year. He said because of that he needs to be on his own. But again loves me and always will. I’m thinking he’s scared because last time he deployed his girlfriend at the time left him and then wanted to get back together when he came back. I just don’t understand how he can go from talking a future with kids and houses and where we want to live, to not wanting to be in a relationship. But the last conversation we had 2 days ago I said I loved him and would respect his space and time. He was so happy I understand him and was very appreciative. He again said I love you and always will. Twice he said I love you actually.
I know this can be a struggle and, I can tell you want to both want to build a future together. He is being forward and honest with you. Its great that you are going to take responsibility for the partnership by respecting the space and time and allow your actions and words to line up. Here's the thing, you can handle this. You were not together for 11 years, you get together and kindle something you had no idea was there to this level. Because of his history with losing his ex he does not want this to happen again. He does love you, and is not only emotionally stepping back to protect himself from losing you, he is trying to hold space for you to make your own choice as to weather or not you want to have this kind of life-style. Long distance is not for everyone and even less so military relationships. Your intuition is right-on for this one. I think if you gently maintain kind rapport and show she has little to worry about when it comes to your commitment he may slowly but surely be open to the idea of having a long-distance long-term relationship.
I’ve poured my heart out and told him I knew what I signed up for when he originally told me he was deploying. I told him I wanted to be a support system for him and that I was so proud of him. Do I just give him space and not reach out? I’m just confused as to what to do. One minute he’s talking about what we are doing before he leaves and then after he comes back, but now this. I’m just not sure where to go from here.
Deploying means he's probably considering all the things that can happen, and I'm sure a lot of it comes from a well-meaning place. At this point, since he asked for space, you should just ask him how he thinks the deployment should be handled. Ask if it is appropriate to send letters, care packages and etc? I think you can come up with something that is agreeable for both of you. Then when he comes back, you can reassess what you would like to see happen.
The thing is he is not deploying for 6 months. Not until June. Do I give him space and not contact him for 30 days? It’s so hard going from talking 24-7 to cutting it off completely. But I know I need to respect his space and time. I’m just scared this might be really over. But I do want to be there for him through his deployment. If he’s saying he loves me and always will I don’t understand how he wants to just push me away.
Same girl same
I know that we are taught that “ love conquers all” but there are times when love isn't at the forefront of somebody's mind. Thinking about deploying and going to war is one of those times. It's nearly impossible to know exactly what he is thinking, but many people facing deployment don't have the emotional space to think about falling in love and making plans for the rest of their life. I would recommend listening to Christine's advice about asking your ex if he'd like to stay in contact leading up to and during his deployment. If he says yes, you can ask him how much contact you would like. And then you can decide if that works for you. If he says no, I would recommend going into the 30 day no contact period, and reaching out with a positive and flirty message at the end of the month.
My girlfriend hasn’t talked to me since last Sunday night
Please feel free to make your own post on the forum so we can answer your questions. :)