My ex and I have had a short relationship, about 3 months, and have had a few ups and downs already. She thought I cheated on her which was a huge miss understanding, but I was able to explain myself and after about 2 weeks we were able to work it out. We got back together and everything was going great, we were very much back in the honey moon faze, but she has a very demanding job. She owns her own business, which requires alot of her time, and also bartends as a favor to the owners of the bar which she knows very well. So she has limited time to give, and I was very understanding as she had bail on numerous dates that we made. But we usually have Sunday's to hang out with each other but last Sunday, after bailing on another date on the thursday before, she bailed on sunday without even a msg until later and she just said that she slept through it all. I over reacted and said that I think she needed some space. She then got upset, and on wendesday when we spoke on the phone, she said that it was over and that our chapter together is done.
She is 35 and I am 30 male. I miss talking to her romantically, and cuddling with her. I have never had a problem with women, I am very confident and good looking aswell. I do modeling for mens suits. But I am now having a problem as I have fallen in love with this women. I have been doing the total opposite of no contact since we broke up, I have been bleeding my heart out and trying to get her back, and she is having none of it. Saying that for her, it is done. that there has been too much that has happened in the relationship. She is a very stubborn women with a big ego.
She also works at the bar my cousin and i go to very frequently, and usually she is very nice and talkative, but we went there last night to grab a drink before going to watch my friend dj, and she was very cold and negative. I sent her a text msg this morning, saying "goodmorning :D, your my girl no matter what" and I also ended it off with "I miss you too" just be confident that with out her saying, I know inside she misses me.
Im wondering if no contact would be best now? seeing as there has been a few bad things that have happened with us in a short relationship.
Any advice to get her back is great.
Hi, there. For right now, it sounds like no contact would be the your best bet. Between trying to maintat in her business and her bartending job, it sounds like she has a lot on her plate. Overwhelming her right now would likely only push her further away. I would recommend about 30 days of no contact so that she has ample time to clear her head. After that point, you can reach out again, but try to keep it neutral. It's probably not a good idea to jump right back into the emotional stuff. Simply ask her how she has been, and let her know that she has been on your mind, and that you hope she's doing well. In the meantime, I would also recommend giving her space at the bar she works at, as well.
Ill try no contact. thank you for the advice!
You're welcome. Let us know if you need more help.
So she replied to my texts later yesterday and said "Dan i need you to understand its over. I do not want to be with you and you seem not to accept that"
She seems pretty done with the relationship. She said that she would send my hoodie to me by mail. And that she wont be texting me anymore, and will text me when she has mailed the hoodie. Im going to no contact with her now. Obviously my past efforts of explaining have not gone over well. I do love this girl, so im hoping that after no contact, i can maybe be a little funnier and ask her for coffee or something.
Given how adamant she seems about the relationship being over, I would recommend at least 30-45 days of no contact. When you do resume contact, I wouldn't jump straight to asking to meet for coffee. Start small, such as liking a funny post she made on social media.
Do you think there is a chance? I know i sound like a broken record but i care for this girl. When i asked if she missed me or missed talking to me, she said that she wasnt doing to talk about that. Makes me think that she does, but she just doesnt want to go back to a relationship because she doesnt want to look like someone that keeps going back.
Do you think telling her that i accept the breakup and that moving on would be a good choice?
I agree with what Marlena mentioned above. " I would recommend about 30 days of no contact so that she has ample time to clear her head. " It is a good idea to hold space for the relationship to heal. Show her you respect and understand her and give the space. Eventually contact will resume and if enough time has gone by there will be opportunity to get to know eachother on a new level.
This is very hard not contacting her. Im going crazy. I will never hurt her again like that if i get the chance (again). Do you think she has lost feelings for me so quickly? or do you think she was saying that so i would leave her alone?
She needs to be left alone right now. With so much on her plate, at this point she might be thinking of you as just one more thing she has to "handle." That isn't what you want, right? Even though the no contact is extremely hard - you can't give in. Your best bet right now to get back into her good graces is to leave her alone. Give her time to miss you, give her time to think about what she's missing in your absence. In the meantime, continue to work on yourself and keep yourself busy with distractions. As far as if she's lost feelings for you, there's no way to know until after the no contact period. This really is your best chance of giving her the opportunity to continue with those feelings she had for you at the beginning.
after 6 days NC, on Saturday morning early at about 5 am, I asked her if she happened to mail out my Hoodie as I am going away on a ski trip with some friends, she then called me, and I told her i couldn't talk right now and hung up. It was early in the morning (5am) and then she said that I should not have texted her if I didn't want to talk. I couldn't talk because it was early and I was making my lunch for the day at work as I have signed on for work over the christmas holidays. I told her she could call me once i made it to the basement, and she said that I should have talked to her when she called. She said "Forget it nothing to say, you were up when i called!" I told her i was upstairs making my lunch and now that i was in the basement that she could call back if she wanted. she said "Honestly dont worry about it, I have nothing to say" I said that I just woke up for work and id send a msg seeing if she sent my hoodie befor i left for work. she replied with "Yea ok on a saturday? Whatever, im not doing this, Merry Christmas" i explained to her that i was working over the christmas break and that I was asking her to do anything.
That is the last i heard from her.
Sounds like a difficult situation and a few communication missteps in there. I believe that your ex was a little bit triggered by you asking her if she sent the hoodie, and probably wanted to connect with you. Maybe asking for a belonging back made her feel lonely or insecure or miss you more than usual. It sounds like when you abruptly ended the conversation that may have hurt her feelings and then her wall of defenses came back up. That's probably why she didn't want to talk after that right away. I think the best thing to do right now is give her a bit of space. Sounds like you are both having a difficult time with the break up and handling it in your own way, but i think the best thing for a possible future relationship will be to back off a little bit, and give the relationship space to blossom again and hopefully turn into something new and better.
So after the debacle on the Phone Saturday morning, I tried to apologized and told her that i obviously still had feelings for her and apologized for msging her so early in the morning. She ignored it. I then wished her a merry christmas on christmas, also ignored. I msged her on boxing day saying that I am guessing she is ignoring me and also explained why i was working all christmas break and thats why i could not take her phone call. I left it alone until today (friday), i was sure it was over and started to kind of move on. But then Barbie Girl came on the radio, and made me think of her. So I tried to call her but I knew she would be busy and was hoping to get her voice mail so i could leave a decent msg about it but her Voice Maile was full. So I sent a msg "Hey hope you doing good, Barbie Girl just came on, made me think of you, and hearing your voice was nice, even though it was your voicemail.", she still ignored it. Untill i called again 3 hours later (now) and she picked up, but she was very short with me. Told me she was busy and that she could not talk (similar to what i did, but she probably is busy) and I asked her if i could call her again, and she was reluctant to say yes, but I said that i wont let this phone call go until i hear a yes (in a very joking tone and manner) she said yes but said that she had to hang up the phone and that it wasnt rude because she said good bye. This is a good thing right? im taking down "walls" so to speak? she is a very defensive women.
what should be my next move?
Okay, so it seems like 30 - 45 days of no contact really did not happen, and therefore she has not had the time to miss you or process her feelings about the situation. As you can see, keeping in touch with her has only backfired, and will continue to backfire. Only you can take control of this situation by giving her the space she needs, or else she will continue to be further annoyed and communications missteps will occur again. Just as the experts above recommended, I would suggest that you do at least a month of no contact, and recommend that you talk to an expert in an advice session.
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