My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago but since I still want her back I'm following no contact rule as I was suggested. Even though she texted me I tried to minimize the conversation. Even though we work at the same place I behave as if she is not around. She might notice that I'm trying not to contact her because my behavior has been changed. My intention of no contact is to get her back, not get over her. What if she misunderstands I'm trying to get over her and she's trying to get over me also? Would that be possible? Or, a month isn't short enough to get over someone?
Working together definitely makes the no contact a bit more tricky, but I think that you can definitely work around that by stating your intentions to her. In as neutral a way as possible, let her know that the reason you've been distant is because you feel it's best for the both of you to have a bit of space to process your feelings about the breakup, and that you're going to take this time to do some reflection and soul searching in order to improve your life and work on some of the areas that you feel may have contributed to the breakup. Of course, don't directly tell her that that's the reason you're working on yourself, but rather, it just gives her something to think about during the no contact period. This way, she doesn't mistakenly get the impression that you're ignoring her out of any ill feelings, or as an attempt to move on. As for whether she would be able to move on in a month's time, everyone is different, so I can't say for sure, but generally speaking, most people are still coming to terms with the breakup during that first month, and aren't overly focused on moving on.
Thanks for the comments. I have a couple of questions.
1) Probably she might know the reason if I understand her correctly. When you said not to tell her directly, how would you tell her indirectly?
2) Why is working together tricky? In my case, we just work at the same place, not work together and we may be in the same area for 3-10 hours per week usually, not full time.
3) "You've been distant is because you feel it's best for the both of you to have a bit of space to process your feelings about the breakup, and that you're going to take this time to do some reflection and soul searching in order to improve your life and work on some of the areas that you feel may have contributed to the breakup" This process is necessary for both move-on and get-back? If this process is nessesary for move-on also does she move on possibly?
4) There are about 2 weeks between the break-up and the day when I started no contact. That means when 30 days no contact ends it will be one and a half months. Would it be still not enough time to allow her move on? I understand everyone is different. I'm asking in general. What is the time length to move on in general?
5) No contact worked in my past relationship. Some of my ex girlfriends broke up with me and I didn't contact them. After a while they tried to contact me to get back. At those times my intentions of no contact were to move on, not get back, and I didn't have the feeling to them anymore, so we didn't get back. To me, when I say "break up" that means I make a firm decision to break up after I deeply think about it. Is it common for girls to say "I want to break up" and later "I want to get back"? Is this kind of behavior common for guys as well? Also, the ex girlfriend that I want to get back now is different from my past relationship. She is more independent and secure. The ex girlfriends that tried to come back to me are more dependent and insecure.
1.) What I mean by not telling her directly is that you shouldn't insinuate that the reason you're working to make improvements in those areas is specifically for her benefit. For example, instead of saying 'I'm going to work on communicating better like you asked me to do" say instead "I've thought about what you said, and I think that you're right; I don't always express myself very well, so I think that working on some better communication skills could really improve my life". 2.) As for working together, even if you're not working closely with one another, it's typically a lot harder to maintain no contact when you have to see one another face to face on a regular basis. 3.) Creating a bit of space is usually the first step in trying to move on, but the difference between trying to move on and trying to get back is the end goal. With the intent to get back together, after the no contact period is over, the next step is to reengage with your ex after you've both had some time away from one another. 4.) Unfortunately, there are endless different factors that influence each person's timeline for moving on, so I really can't give you a general timeline. There is typically a period of time after the breakup when the person tries to focus on themselves and process their feelings about the breakup, but for some people, that's 2-3 months, and for others, it can be an entire year. 5.) Usually, when a person decides that they want to get back together with an ex, it's either because they realize that the reason for the breakup was misguided, or they see a change in their ex that they feel would make the relationship work where it had previously failed. I understand that this can be a very confusing and somewhat scary time, and I may be able to better help you through the course of an advice session.