How Do I Get Him Back?


My ex and I have been broken up since about a year ago. We were together on-and-off for 2 and a half years and have the good(happy times, everything we spent together)but mostly bad(arguments, crazy things we did to each other). On June after I cut off contact with him for good back in December of last year, I got back in contact with him again. We were friends and been talking again for 5 months. Last month, I told him how I felt and he felt the same. We both settled our differences before and even apologized for everything we did to one another. We flirted couple times and said everything that couples would say and do in a relationship and both felt the spark and reconnection once more. We were on the verge of getting back together again after a year now. A week later, something happened and I felt a feeling that I shouldn’t trust him again even though I do believe and trust him. This is the worst mistake I ever made once again. Usually that week, I’d be the one to start fights and then when he’d be the one to talk things out after, another fight started again the next day and the next day. He grew tired of me and now today made it clear that he didn’t want to be with me so now I’m giving him space because he has a lot going on like drama with his ex being pregnant(the baby is not his). I really want him back. Nobody has any idea, not even my friends or my family. I need tips on how to get him back, make him miss me, make him fall for me and all that stuff and I know it’s impossible to make him miss me or fall for me again, but I’ve read articles and I’m not sure if they’re the only ways to do that.
I think that in your situation the best thing that you should do is initiate no-contact, especially since you're looking for him to feel the spark/good memories/etc, and giving him time and space to think will lead directly to that. It sounds like the two of you did a lot of damage to one another, do you mind elaborating on that for me?
In the past, we would always try to make each other jealous with other people though he started it. Not to mention our explosive arguments would happened everyday. Now that we both wanted to try again and had our reconnection after a year now, the arguments happened again started by me because of one feeling I had of not trusting him again even though I do believe and trust him with everything. 2 weeks ago during the arguments, he would always reassure me saying that he loves me and would never leave because he was scared until recently that he didn’t care anymore and decided that he didn’t want to be with me and he needed space so I did.
Do you think that its possible that you started the fights without realizing it because you wanted to hear you BF reassure you? It sounds like the fighting and hot & cold relationship was too tiring for your ex. If you do want to get back with him, I agree with Alex that you should back off and try no contact for a few weeks. This doesn't mean you have to ignore him. It means that YOU don't start a conversation with him (no social media, no emails, no driving by his house) and if he starts one with you, there is no talk of the old relationship. You talk with him about light and fun things, like what new stuff you have going on in your life, without him. The point is to show your ex that you are not unhealthily focused on your past relationship. And also to give you some time to think about where things went wrong so you can improve them.
I have been realizing that I was usually the one who started the fights(and not because I wanted to hear him reassure me or anything), but I do agree with you with the fact that the hot & cold relationship was too tiring for him and I agree with doing the no-contact depending on how long do I have to not contact him. Just yesterday, I sent him this 'respecting space' message and then he said okay. He also told me congrats because I got accepted into two colleges as he saw on my social media story, and then he messaged me saying that he messed up so many things, that he was sorry, and then I replied back today asking what was going on in his head and what he wanted from me(to which he replied that he wanted my heart and time), and THEN a fight/argument happened again once more. *sigh* It happens so again very fast in every single day and now he doesn't want to talk to me anymore this time by telling me to leave and tell me bye. So I don't know if I should send him another 'respecting space' message a week after and then start the no-contact then, just start the no-contact right away today, or how long do I have if I do the no-contact. I heard that it had to be about 2-4 weeks or simply 30 days to wait until I get back with him/talk to him again.
You started off really strong, and I think you have a really good handle on how you need to reset this relationship. I would definitely recommend going back to no contact, for 30 days. The hard part will likely be that your ex will reach out to you, and it will feel natural for both of you to try to talk about your old relationship. It will be up to you to keep the topic fun, light, flirty, and neutral. It's really hard to break the cycle of having dramatic fights and then the relief of getting back together. It's going to be up to you to maintain no contact, and define what you two are allowed to talk about when you can talk. Best of luck!
He messaged me and said, “I did a lot of thinking , and someone that we are both friends with tried to put two pieces together but I think its not right for us to pursue anything. It’s not healthy and we fight a lot. So you should’ve came to me, not go to someone else. It dumps your load on them and no one wants to carry that burden.” A mutual friend of ours did go and talk to him, but the thing is I didn’t sent him to go talk to him for me and that they just talked to him about it on their own. So now, without saying anything, he ended the conversation shortly and silently. I was talking to that mutual friend after today and they said he’s actually not doing okay and that he’s taking it alright. I feel like he’s actually going to move on this time so I don’t know if I should continue on with the no-contact for those 30 days. I do want him back still of course.
You still want to continue with the same plan. The fact that he is reaching out is a sign that the plan of no contact is working. If something isn't broke, don't fix it.