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Hi I am trying to save our marriage. So for the past 5 years my wife said I was mean and short with her and knowing now what my actions were doing I see what she is saying. I will do anything to get her back. She broke up with me and I took it really bad and pushed really hard trying to save our marriage and I did the opposite of that. I know that she sent pics of her self to another guy and I can forgive her for that with no problem as long as it stopped and was no more. I need help on steps on what to do. Please help I am desperately looking for help. Thanks
By mean and short with her what do you think your wife meant? Have you taken the steps necessary to start improving on that aspect of you life; perhaps being a little more attentive to your wife's needs. If not I would recommend that be the first course of action.
I have. I have put all my attention to her and our kids they are now my number one priority. I don’t know how to explain what she meant. I know that she said I was emotionally abusive and put her down, also she says I made her feel like she shouldn’t have friends and she doesn’t know why she does. I didn’t grow up in a house where they taught how to show emotions and if there were any they weren’t good so I didn’t know how to express my love for her in a positive manner. I will now do what ever I need to get her back and for her to know I will never be like that again. I have started therapy to help work through these emotions and to learn how to express my emotions in a positive manner.
That is excellent news that you have started therapy and it greatly increases your chances of reconciling with your wife. You have heard her concerns, recognized and acknowledged the problem, and have begun working to fix it. This is real, genuine progress. The next part is showing your wife the evidence that you take her needs seriously and *have* actually changed for the better. You should continue to go to therapy to work on communicating appropriately, as well as put that into practice with your wife. I would suggest that for the next month you keep your communications with her solely positive. Chat with her about the kids. Tell her that she is doing a good job with them. Let her know that you are still going to therapy regularly and you are making progress in how you communicate. Try to remember the things that you enjoyed when things were good, and focus on talking about that. Rehashing old fights and focusing on the conflict in your marriage will only push her away. We can't convince someone to want to be with us just because we want them, or we think that whats fair/right. We can only show them who we are and who are working to be. Make sure to remind your wife why you two fell in love, instead of worrying about the conflict.
Ok I will do that. I have been trying really hard to see all the things I have done wrong so I can address those and become a better person for her, the kids and myself. With all the things that I have done already I feel better about myself I eliminated all the things in my life the were pulling me away from my family. I now have goals and dreams that I would love to share with her. I have been that person that she first met the one that would wake up with her at 4 in the morning to see her off to work or stay up with her all night just to talk. That is who I am I don’t know what happened and why I changed but I know what needs to be fixed. I just don’t know how to show her if we don’t live together anymore.