Am I being emotionally abused?

Read this one first

Fear, escalation, threats, or control over money.

Fear, threats, financial control, or things getting worse when you speak up all change the situation.

Any one of those matters more than the rest of the quiz because it points to danger, not just unhappiness.

The part people aren't told

Leaving can be the most dangerous stretch. Make a plan and tell at least one person before you go.

Financial control matters because it can make leaving feel impossible.

You don't have to be sure it counts before asking for help. If they may check your phone, use a device they can't access.

More support: relationshiphero.com/resources

Yes, this looks like emotional abuse

This is a repeat pattern, not one bad month.

When several of these fit and it has become a pattern rather than one bad month, that is emotional abuse. “Every relationship is hard” doesn't explain it.

The pattern has made you smaller, more careful, less sure of your memory, and more alone. That's what makes this different from ordinary meanness.

Why you couldn't tell from inside it

It happened slowly. You kept hearing that you're too sensitive, remembered it wrong, or started the fight. Eventually you stopped trusting yourself.

Your feelings may have been argued with for years. The events still happened.

Things worth knowing

• The good periods can be real and still be part of the pattern.
• You didn't cause this by being difficult.
• You don't have to make a decision today.
• Telling one person can start breaking the isolation.

Coaching isn't the right first call here. Start with the support link below.

More support: relationshiphero.com/resources

It's a bad relationship, but not abuse

It's unfair and painful. It just doesn't match this pattern.

Some relationships are mean and unfair without being abusive. There's no fear or isolation, and speaking up gets defensiveness rather than threats.

“It's not abuse” doesn't mean you have to accept it. A relationship can be bad enough to leave without a diagnosis.

Why the distinction is worth having

The difference matters because an ordinary bad relationship may improve with clear requests and real effort from both people.

Two people can hurt each other while both still mean well. That kind of problem may be fixable.

Where to start

• Name the one behavior that costs you most.
• Watch what they do over the next few weeks.
• Take contempt seriously even if nothing else fits abuse.
• If you've asked repeatedly and nothing changes, their refusal is now the problem.

Something else may be wrong

This is recent, out of character, and they still listen.

The relationship recently became hard and they don't seem like themselves. That can make you question everything that came before.

They still listen when you speak up, and this isn't how they've always acted. Something may be happening to them or to both of you.

The usual suspects

Depression, burnout, grief, health problems, and money trouble can all make someone cold and distant.

A hard time can explain the behavior. You still don't have to absorb it forever.

How to check

• Ask, “What's been going on with you?”
• Notice whether they're distant with everyone or only you.
• Give support for a defined stretch instead of waiting forever.
• Focus on whether they can admit something is wrong.

If this result feels wrong, don't let a quiz talk you out of what you've seen.