Am I in a situationship?

One of you is waiting, and it’s you

You want more. They're happy with things as they are.

You want a real relationship. They like the current setup. Nobody has to be cruel for that difference to hurt.

Waiting isn't a plan. If they didn't want a relationship at month four, month fourteen probably won't change their mind.

The conversation, properly

• Tell them what you want instead of asking them to define the past.
• Say it clearly. Don't talk yourself out of it halfway through.
• Give them time to answer, but don't accept endless dodging.
• Decide what you'll do if the answer is no.

If you've asked twice and got nowhere, that's an answer. It just wasn't said clearly.

You're an option

Late nights, last minute plans, and nobody in their life knows you.

Forget what they say about commitment. Do you exist in their normal life? Someone serious about you usually wants you to meet their people.

Last minute plans, late night visits, and you doing all the texting make the pattern pretty clear.

• “Private” or “bad at texting” can be true. It doesn't explain zero effort everywhere.
• Pay attention to effort, not how sweet they are when you're together.
• Stop initiating for two weeks and see if anything is left when you aren't carrying it.

Being treated like an option says something about their effort. It doesn't say you're worth less than anyone else.

This is basically a relationship

You've met the friends, make real plans, and aren't seeing other people.

Some couples do everything except say the word. It looks obvious from outside, but the missing label can still make you feel unsure.

They may be scared after a bad breakup, want to go slowly, or think you're already together. The reason may be much less dramatic than you fear.

• You're only asking them to name something they're already doing.
• Say “I'd like us to be exclusive” instead of “where is this going?”
• If they say yes and nothing else changes, that's fine.

If they still refuse the label, ask why. Don't quietly accept an answer that makes you unhappy.

It’s mutual, and it’s fine

You both like it casual. Nothing wrong with that.

You agreed to keep it casual and you're both happy. It doesn't have to turn into a relationship just because other people expect it to.

• Check in sometimes because feelings can change quietly.
• Every few months is enough. It doesn't need to become a weekly meeting.
• Keep your own plans and don't quietly build your life around them.

You came here for a reason. If you're starting to want more, say it now instead of waiting another year.

It’s just early

Six weeks without a label is just six weeks.

Not everything needs a label straight away. You may both still be working out whether you even like each other.

• Look for more effort, better plans, and a bigger place in each other's lives.
• Give it a couple of months, then see if you've met anyone and make plans ahead of time.
• If uncertainty makes you miserable, you're allowed to ask for clarity sooner.

Don't rearrange your whole life around someone you met a few weeks ago. Keep dating them and keep being yourself.