Why did my boyfriend break up with me?

It got more serious, and he ran

Things got real and he panicked.

Did he leave right after you moved in, met his family, or talked about marriage? The new level of commitment may have scared him.

You saw progress. He may have seen a door closing behind him. Some people love a relationship right up until it starts feeling permanent.

What it looks like

• He got distant soon after things became more serious.
• He went quiet instead of picking fights.
• His reason was vague and mostly about himself.
• He was affectionate right up until he pulled away.

What to do with it

• Chasing him will add more pressure, so leave him alone.
• Use the distance to work out whether you even want him back.
• If he runs every time things get serious, he has work to do. You can't do it for him.

He felt like he was failing you

He may have meant it when he said you deserved better.

“You deserve better” sounds like a cheap breakup line. Sometimes he really means, “I keep disappointing you and I don't know how to stop.”

Think about the last few months. You asked for something, he apologized, nothing changed, and you asked again. You wanted a fix. He heard that he wasn't good enough.

• You weren't wrong to ask for what you needed.
• He never worked out how to change, and apologies eventually stopped meaning anything.
• This breakup is usually quiet. He thinks about it, decides, and leaves.

The bigger problem is that you two couldn't fix things together. Getting back together without changing that would put you straight back in the same loop.

The pull faded

The spark slowly went out.

Attraction needs some effort from both people. It gets harder when every day feels the same and neither person has much of a life outside the relationship.

This usually happens slowly. Sex and affection often fade months before anyone talks about breaking up.

What actually erodes it

• You stopped choosing each other and just followed the routine.
• Your lives got smaller and there wasn't much new to talk about.
• You had no time apart and started taking each other for granted.
• Unspoken resentment made everything feel flat.

This wasn't one person's fault. The whole relationship went stale. That can change, but both people have to care enough to change it.

Something in his own life took him under

His own life may have become too much.

A bad job, money trouble, family problems or depression can take over someone's life. The relationship may have felt like the only thing he could step away from.

He may still care about you. He just doesn't feel like he has anything left to give, and he'd rather disappear than admit he's struggling.

• He changed after something went wrong in his life.
• His explanation didn't match what was happening between you.
• Things may change when his life settles down, but you can't control when that happens.

You can wait for him if you want to. You can also decide that you don't want to lose a year hoping his life gets better.

He wants a different life than the one you were building

You wanted futures that couldn't happen together.

He wants to move and you don't. You want kids and he doesn't. Or he simply wants to be single. None of those things make you a bad girlfriend.

This often ends short relationships. It can also show up when he stops making future plans even though everything else seems normal.

• Work out whether he means “not now” or “not ever.”
• Don't give up something important just to keep him. You'll have the same fight again later.
• Sometimes nobody did anything wrong. You just can't build the same life.

There’s someone else

Nobody wants this answer, but sometimes it's the right one.

He may have met someone else before the breakup. You may never get the full story, and checking her page every night won't give it to you.

• The relationship probably had problems before she appeared.
• A totally sudden breakup can be a clue that someone else was involved.
• Investigating will eat up your time and won't change what happened.
• Leave her out of it. Your relationship was with him.

Being left for someone else doesn't make her better than you. It tells you how he chose to handle the end of your relationship.