Breakup hurts and the pain hits you hard. It can feel like getting the wind knocked out of you. One second everything is okay and then the next second you're flat on your back, staring at the sky, trying to remember how you were able to breathe normally before.
You’re in pain and you can’t think straight, you just want to get over the feeling as fast as possible. You might grab whatever or whoever you can to bring you short-term relief, then find yourself right back where you started.
Overcoming heartbreak and getting back with your partner may seem impossible, but you can do it with the right perspectives and some new healthy habits.
Here’s an overview that will help you know where in time the steps take place. The following graphic is a timeline, from the day the breakup occurs to the day you reconnect with them again, and when those steps should be taken within that time:
We can split up the guide into a few different steps:
Understanding if you want to get back with them.
Initiating a period of No Contact in the correct way.
Re-engaging with them in the correct manner.
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The first step to getting your spouse back is deciding if you really want to get back with them, and if it's the best thing for you.
You have to reflect on your relationship, understand why the separation exactly happened, and figure out what you have to do to fix things.
Once you've determined that it's what you really want, and what's best for you, you can progress to the next step.
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The next step involves rebuilding the foundation for your relationship. You have already understood why the breakup happened from the previous step. If you were to magically be back together today, who's to say the relationship won't break up for the exact same reasons again.
That's what it's so critical to set the stage correctly for the steps to come.
First you need to write them a Message of Connection.
Then you can take some space from each other via a period of [No Contact](), and this will give you both the time needed to actually fix the breakup.
For them, the time will help them reconsider the relationship and actually allow him the space to give things another try at some point. For you, the time will help you work on yourself and any particular things that would be a detriment to your relationship with them.
Once you've sent the Message of Connection and implemented the No Contact period, you can move on to the next step.
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It's not easy to just start a conversation with your spouse after a period of No Contact. It can also be quite intimidating to actually go through with it - because you're unsure of how to approach it or even when.
It's also important to know what to do if the response isn't as good as you expected - to be able to recover and eventually schedule a meetup between the two of you.
How to reconnect with your partner after breakup/separation
Although it is true that every relationship, and therefore breakup, is unique and laced with nuances, when you strip those details away to unearth the bare bones of conflict and human interaction, you can uncover patterns in the types of relationship problems that drive couples apart.
The behavioral patterns can be difficult to discover. But they’re critical in keeping your spouse after you reconnect.
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