No Contact Rule May Kill Your Chances - What You Need To Know

By Lior

There's a reason why basketball players only go for half-court shots when the buzzer is about to go off. It's a reasonable move for the situation - a terrible one any time else.

Whether it's basketball or love… a tactic is only useful depending on the situation.

Tactic Vs. Strategy

A strategy is made up of tactics, but they're not followed blindly, they're organized in a way that help you decide which tactics to use and when to use them.

The No Contact "Rule" is more of a tactic, not a rule. It may work for many people trying to get their ex back, but it’s not helpful for every situation. Just like in sports, there are many tactics that help teams succeed, not just one.

Unlike basketball, football or any other sport, there are no clear rules in love (no scoreboards either). Unfortunately, you must understand the situation you're in before knowing which tactic to apply. A good starting point in figuring out your situation with your ex, look at the reasons why the breakup happened.

When No Contact Is Harmful

Here are a few breakup reasons where No Contact is actively harmful:

  • You cheated on your partner
  • You said or did something to greatly hurt your partner
  • You sabotaged the relationship and said hurtful things you don’t really mean
  • You haven’t given them the level of attention they want from you
  • You weren’t emotionally supportive

A period of No Contact would hurt your chances of getting back together with your ex. The one thing in common with these reasons is that spending time apart would only support the idea you haven’t changed.

For example, if you prioritize your work over your ex and ended up spending very little time together. Then 30 days of No Contact would just add salt to the wound. Before you decide to start No Contact, think about what situation you’re in. Think strategically.

Strategic No Contact

Hopefully you're questioning the term "The No Contact Rule" by now. It misleads people into thinking it should never be modified and that it always works, regardless of your situation. A better term to use is Strategic No Contact.

No Contact works great for some people, but useless for others and downright harmful for many. What you need is a strategy. One that’s fluid and changes depending on your situation. One that lets you know how long your No Contact period should be: 2 days, 30 days, 150 days, or even 0 days (sometimes you're better off skipping No Contact completely).


How To Figure Out The Best Strategy

The conventional 30-day No Contact Rule does work in the majority of cases. But practicing Strategic No Contact is your safest bet. Formulating such a plan isn’t easy so I highly recommend talking through your situation with a trusted friend or family member.

Chat with one of our professional coaches if you want help understanding your situation and formulating a strategy. They'll guide you every step of the way too if you'd like.