You're not a mindreader, but you're also not blind. Taking note of someone’s actions and words tells us everything we need to know about their interest. And more…
Is he losing interest in me?
…you might ask yourself. But to find the solution do this first:
You must first free yourself from being attached to the outcome an start being objective in how you consider each piece of information. Even if you don't want to confront the harsh truths, being as objective as you can is your key to discovering the warning signs and evaluating what they mean.
If you’re worried that he is losing interest in you - whether he’s your boyfriend, husband, partner, or maybe you guys only recently started dating - there are certain indicators that you can look out for.
Below, I’ve listed out some of the most common signs of guys losing interest, and more importantly, what you can do about it.
You're both rarely spending any time together. And when you do, it's because YOU made the plans and maybe even coerced him into participating. There are even times when you try to make plans, but he makes up some excuse or finds some reason to avoid it.
He is trying to distance himself from you, making it easier to end things as time goes on. In an ideal world, he would just come out and disclose how he truly feels, but guys will often avoid this so that they don't feel like the "bad guy". He thinks he's trying to avoid hurting you, but he's really just running away.
You want to confirm that he's not just suddenly really busy. If you both have been together long enough, you will likely have an idea if he's getting too stressed/busy/etc. Ultimately, there's no better solution than to just have an honest discussion about your feelings, regardless of how long you've been seeing each other. If he actually isn't interested in spending time with you, then you should end things - you deserve way better.
You feel like he has started to slack off recently when it comes to your relationship. He is rarely making any plans to hang out or take you out to nice dates. He puts in no effort, just the bare minimum. Maybe he only replies when you text or call him and never initiates a conversation himself. Most importantly, you've noticed changes in how he carries himself around you - he doesn't maintain his physical appearance like he used to, doesn't try to impress you or win you over anymore, etc.
His behavior is a direct representation of his feelings. Part of him is no longer motivated to go out of his way for you. When we like someone and really enjoy their company, we're more enthusiastic about doing things with them. Another part of him is probably trying to distance himself from this relationship as much as he can - to avoid pain and hurt to both of you.
The best route of action would be similar to what I suggested under #1. There's a chance this isn't actually about your relationship - that he's going through certain life events which have made him lose motivation in general. If you've known him long enough, you'll likely know if something serious is going on. In which case, you will want to support him during his time of need and hopefully, things will get back to normal soon. If not, your only approach is to open up a dialogue about this with him. And if his explanations and justifications don't satisfy you, then it's your responsibility to move on from this relationship.
His recent attitude and behavior make you think you're no longer a priority to him. He doesn't really pay attention to you and his plans never fit into your schedule. He always seems busy when it comes to you, but has a ton of time for other people and activities. Maybe when you guys first started dating, he did everything you ever asked, which just makes it worse now that his default response is to make excuses - canceling dates at the last minute and saying you guys will do it "another day".
He has started to realize he doesn't want to be with you anymore but he also doesn't want to be the one to end things. He's afraid to end things himself because of how it will make you feel, or maybe he's just scared to even be honest about his feelings.
If he has the time and motivation to hang out with other people and do other activities, yet he's avoiding you, it's pretty clear he doesn't want to be with you anymore. It's not going to be easy, but the only solution here is to end this relationship.
When you guys first started dating, he'd often make distant plans with you. Maybe a vacation to some mountains, a friend's wedding, etc. But recently, he has started to make excuses for not committing to plans in the future. Maybe he is no longer sure he'll get leave for the ski trip you both were planning. Maybe he just shuts you down any time you bring up plans about your future together.
He doesn't want to commit to any plans with you because he doesn't want to commit to you. He doesn't see a future with you, and maybe even just waiting to end things as soon as he can. He shuts down any discussion you start about vacations and trips because he knows he won't follow through with them.
Here you can't be sure whether he's against committing to you or just committing in general. Maybe he doesn't want to be with you, or maybe he is just scared to be with someone, period. He could casually make plans with you earlier when things weren't as serious between you both, but as time has gone on, he is starting to realize where things are leading to (commitment) and maybe that's scaring him. The best course of action here is to try and gently open him up to a discussion about commitment and what he wants from his future. Maybe he's just done with you, or maybe he's just really scared of commitment and he needs your help. You'll only know for sure if you ask him.
This is likely to be a guy you haven't been seeing for too long. He doesn't like to put labels on things and has never hinted at wanting anything serious. He isn't taking any steps towards making things official between the two of you, and maybe the few times you've tried to talk about it, he just makes vague excuses about friends or wanting to be sure you're right for him (and vice versa). And all this while, he continues to pursue you intimately and practically treat you like a girlfriend.
If he is acting like you guys are a couple but unwilling to actually vocalize it and make the commitment, there is a strong chance that he isn't interested in a deeper "relationship". Especially if he uses phrases like, "We have to be sure we're right for each other" regularly. This isn't to say that he doesn't like you or that you guys have no potential future. But the chances of things getting deeper are very unlikely.
While there's a small chance this guy is just really, really trying to be sure you both are right for each other; it's far more likely that he just isn't interested in anything more than a casual relationship. Especially if he's more focused on physical intimacy than emotional. In such a situation, you should stick to your guns - if you want a proper commitment and he's always making excuses, your only solution is to bid farewell.
When you first started dating, he was always decisive about what he wants to do, what his plans were, whether he wants to go out, etc. But recently, he has become very indecisive and his responses are often vague. If you ask him what he's going to be doing later in the day, he's unsure. If you ask him whether he wants to go out, he's not sure he'll have time, etc. He rarely ever shares his plans with you, too, and then you find out he has been out with other friends. When you ask him something, his responses are vague and maybe it feels like you're pulling teeth every time you try to get an answer out of him.
Always being vague about his plans when you ask him, being unsure if he'll be able to make time for you, being unsure about what he wants to do when you ask him; and yet he can make time for his friends - all this indicates he is not looking forward to seeing you and maybe even avoiding it. He is vague about his responses because it makes it easier for him to not commit to any plans. This is the same reason he is unsure about what to do when you ask for his opinion.
He's trying to distance himself from you, and maybe even put the onus of the breakup on you so that he's not the "bad guy". He'll likely continue to avoid any line of questioning and discussions if you confront him about his behavior. He'll probably even be offended by your assertions. There's a chance you can work things out with the assistance of a professional, but unless you guys have a long history, it's probably best to put this relationship in the rearview mirror.
You guys used to text, call often and he wanted to always see you. But lately, there's been a sudden slowdown in the communication between you guys. Maybe there's even been a couple of times when he said he'd call you the next day but then failed to do so. Maybe there's even been times when he doesn't reach out at all for days, and then suddenly wants to meet up. If he's avoiding calls and responding vaguely via texts, that's an even bigger flag that something is up.
This situation is more likely if you guys have only been dating for a short period. Men aren't very good at feigning interest and if you guys haven't been together very long, likely, he's just not very invested in you. Him still keeping up the correspondence, especially with long breaks in between, makes it likely that he doesn't want to burn bridges between you both - wants to still hook up once in a while if he can.
What to do?
If you're looking for an actual committed relationship, then you can't play along with him. You have to have a proper discussion with him about what each of you wants from this relationship and future. And if things don't align, you need to move on. Next time he responds to you after a long break just to "hang out", call him out on it.
He used to know your schedule and send you messages during the day to check-in. You guys used to have a lot of discussions and deep chats. But recently, it seems like you're the only one who talks or asks any questions. It's not even that he doesn't text or call, he is barely there when you do it, either. It takes him hours to respond to texts or call back if he even decides to. All in all, it's like he's putting in no effort at all.
Similar to #2, this could be because of your relationship or it could be because of his own life. If he's going through certain issues and keeping them from you, it's likely to exacerbate any feelings of neglect you're having. If it's not a personal issue, then it's clear he's trying to distance himself from you.
If you know he's going through certain issues, then you have to do your best to support him and make him feel loved. Of course, if you guys haven't been together for long, you'll probably not be privy to everything going on in his life. That's why it's important to gently open up a dialog with him - talk to him about how things are going with him, ask him if any things in his life are bothering him, make him feel safe. But if he's not going through any personal issues, I think you know what you have to do.
You guys are still hanging out and meeting up. You're not fighting or anything. But it just feels more friendly and less romantic. Like there's no up-and-down, just a flat line. This would especially stand out if your relationship had really strong momentum at first and then tapered off. Maybe you guys have been seeing each other for a while but he won't put a label on it, or take the next step. And any time you want to talk about the relationship, he dodges it.
Sometimes the guy isn't being mean or neglectful, but the feelings just aren't there. He's not trying to hurt you in any way and probably he isn't even thinking about things ending between you both. Or it could be that he's afraid of the next step. If he's scared of commitment (maybe he thinks it's a huge step), he could be subconsciously holding himself (and your relationship) back.
If you guys haven't been together for too long and he's not actually avoiding/ignoring you, you should take things slowly - to avoid pressuring him or coming off as being invasive. If you guys have been together for a while, then you want to try and excite things between you again. It's not unusual for relationships to dull down a bit after the "honeymoon" phase. Maybe recreate some of your earlier dates, or plan a trip somewhere. If he continues to avoid any label or taking things to the next step even after all your efforts, then you may just have to accept he's not the one for you.
He's not the nice, sweet guy you first fell for anymore. Maybe he picks at you or intentionally does things he knows you hate. Maybe it seems like he's trying to get under your skin. This could be over text, phone, or even in person. Maybe he ignores you, acts sarcastic, and even hurls insults at you. Things often lead to fights, and then he even tries to put the blame on you for that and make you feel bad.
This guy is trying to antagonize you, maybe even subconsciously. He doesn't want to be with you anymore but also not strong enough to end things on his own. he is gearing up for a breakup. He would rather drive you crazy and get you to break up with him. He's trying to get out of being the bad guy who hurts you (he is still hurting you, and this is worse).
There's not much you can do in this situation. This guy has already decided he doesn't want to be with you, and it's just a matter of how much you can take. I would suggest bail as quickly as you can. You don't want to waste your time on a guy who is only bringing toxicity into your life.
You guys haven't had sex or even been physically intimate for a while. Things used to be really steamy when you guys started dating but that was a while back. Intimate moments are few and far in between and when you think about it you can't remember the last time you had sex, or kissed, or held hands, or even hugged… Maybe you try to initiate things sometimes, and he just says he's tired and rolls over.
He doesn't want to be intimate with you anymore. This probably isn't just about physical intimacy, but even emotional intimacy. It's just that the lack of physical intimacy is much easier to notice.
It comes down to how long you both have been together and how deeply you value this relationship. There are things you can do to try and reignite the spark between you both, but only you can decide if the effort would be worth it. Of course, there's also the chance that he is satisfying his need for intimacy with someone else. In which case, you shouldn't look back, and the real goal will be to figure out if he's cheating on you.
You guys are having sex all the time and that's all you guys do when you're together. This situation can manifest itself in several ways. Maybe you guys don't see each other often but when you do, he pressures you into having sex. Maybe you guys have sex but you're noticing other signs of him losing interest. Maybe you don't hear from him for days and then he texts asking to come over - especially if you guys never go out and you only hear from him when it's convenient for him (and always at night). Or maybe the sex just feels boring and routine, like you're just going through the motions and all he cares about is satisfying himself.
If the guy only ever engages with you when it comes down to sex, he's not looking for anything more. Maybe he's trying to hide behind sex, using the physical intimacy as a barrier against possible emotional conversations. Maybe it's just as simple as him wanting nothing more than sex. But he's only in your life as long as it comes to sex and as soon as he can replace you, he'll probably be gone. That's why you don't hear from him for days (he's chasing other women).
Get out. Seriously. Unless you're looking for a no-frills-attached relationship with just sex, this isn't the kind of guy you want to invest in. A part of you might be tempted to want to "fix" him, but he probably knows that and uses it to his advantage.
# As you can see, there's a lot of reasons why a guy might be losing interest in you. And the best thing to do in most cases just happens to be to move on. In most cases, the guy is just not worth your time. There are those few cases where there's some miscommunication or that things could still be fixed - particularly if the loss of interest is because of issues in the guy's personal life; but it's not that common.
Also, keep in mind that the above list isn't exhaustive. There are lots of other signs that a guy might be losing interest in you, but these are some of the most prominent ones.
By the way, it's not easy for everyone to just look at their own relationship and come to the correct conclusions. It's much easier for a person on the outside. And that's where we come in. If you need any help with your relationship goals, try talking to a personal Relationship Coach right away.
Also, check out some of our other articles -
Top 11 Reasons Why You and Your Ex Broke up
My Ex Will Not Respond To Me - Why And What To Do About It
Signs He Doesn't Want To Marry You
Warning Signs He Is Losing Interest (And What To Do About It)