A lot of women have been looking forward to getting married most of their lives. So it's only natural to wonder if your partner is looking forward to it too.
Not everyone wants to get married, of course. And if your partner and you aren't ultimately looking for the same thing, it's time to reexamine your plans.
It doesn't matter if you've been with him for years or a few weeks. And it doesn't matter if you've just started dating either. If you want to uncover any red flags you just need to know where to look. While you can't read his mind, you can certainly read his actions and words.
The following signs will help you understand where you and your guy stand. Keep in mind that if you've only just started dating, some of these signs will not apply.
1. He downplays your relationship in public.
When people ask him about your relationship, he downplays it.
He isn't possessive of you at all.
Rarely shows any affection or intimacy while out and about.
He's pretty active on social media but hardly ever mentions you, and when he does, you don't really stand out from his other female friends.
When you meet someone in public, he rarely introduces you by title. Always just your first name. Or maybe you're engaged and he introduces you just as your girlfriend.
If you guys have not been together for too long, this isn't a big deal. But if he continues to act like this the longer you guys are together, that's not a good sign. It indicates that he's unsure of committing and second-guessing the significance of your relationship.
2. He keeps your lives mostly separate.
He hasn't introduced you to his friends or family even though you've been dating for a while.
He isn't interested in meeting your friends or family. Maybe he has even made excuses when you've tried to make plans.
You've met some of his friends and family, but he doesn't involve you in plans with them.
He never invites you to family events.
He wants to have separate houses even though it makes more sense to move in together.
The longer you both have been together, the bigger these flags are. If he's trying to keep you away from his loved ones or showing disinterest in yours, it's an indication that he isn't sure about your place in his life.
3. He doesn't take obvious opportunities to move the relationship forward.
Avoiding the "label" in the early stages of a relationship is quite normal, but if you've been together for a while and still don't know where you guys stand, that's a potential sign he's not looking for something long-term or serious.
If you guys have been together for at least a few months to a year and often spend time at each others' houses, it's natural to want to move in. If he has avoided an easy chance like this, he could be unsure about your future together, eg. his lease just ran out but he decided to move in with a roommate instead of you, or just got a place of their own.
He never plans trips or vacations with you. There have been opportunities to do so but he went with his friends instead.
You guys have been together for a really long time but he says he'll propose after xyz… He always has some reason to delay it.
Maybe he's just clueless or inexperienced, which is why you should be communicating your feelings with him. If things don't change after that, he's probably not looking to commit all the way.
4. You feel like it's been long enough.
You've been together for so long and most of your common friends have gotten married but he just won't propose.
You have been dropping hints for as long as you can remember but he just never gets it.
You feel desperate at this point and almost reduced to the point of begging him.
If you guys have been together for a long time, it's natural to want to get married. And if he's just not making any moves, it can be an indication that it's just not something he wants.
5. You both don't have any future plans together.
He doesn't seem all that interested in discussing his future, or when he does he barely mentions you.
He doesn't seem interested in your future plans.
He makes excuses when you try to talk about your future together.
If he doesn't make an excuse, he's very vague about any decisions.
He never gives you a straight answer when you ask about your future with him.
If he's going out of his way to avoid discussing your future together, it probably means that he's not looking to settle down with you. Maybe it's just not been long enough and he's unsure. But if you guys have been together for a sufficient period, he's probably not going to change.
6. His lifestyle is like a bachelor's.
He often flirts with other women. Maybe even in front of you. And if you've brought it up, he just dismisses your concern because that's just how he is.
He lives in the past. Instead of being excited about future events and things he can do with you, you often find him reminiscing about his college days and wild parties.
Most of his friend circle is just single men and he barely hangs out with any couples.
None of these are all that bad on their own but if he's double-dipping, you should take a step back and look at your relationship.
7. He's never been interested in marriage or weddings.
You both have never discussed marriage.
He has never shown any interest in marriages or weddings.
Maybe he even avoids weddings and makes fun of marriage.
He has a bleak view of marriage or doesn't believe in it.
If you bring up someone's wedding or marriage, he is never interested.
You have to force him to go to weddings with you.
If your guy is showing multiple of these signs, they most likely don't see themselves ever getting married.
8. Things aren't progressing after the proposal/engagement.
He proposed but won't set a date.
Whenever you want to discuss a wedding date, he's vague and indecisive.
He doesn't seem that excited after the engagement.
Maybe he has become distant or developed a negative attitude after the engagement.
He hasn't told his family or friends about the engagement.
It's not that rare for a guy to start second-guessing themselves after they make a huge commitment. This can lead to intense guilt when he realizes how happy the proposal made you and how it would break your heart if/when he won't follow through with it. As a result, he can start acting distant or antagonistic.
9. He reacts negatively if you guys get into a serious discussion.
He shuts you out instead of communicating freely.
He avoids any conflict with you.
He gets angry if you ever bring up your future together.
He says he's waiting for the perfect time and that you need to be patient.
Not only is he unsure about commitment, but he's also unable to express his emotions properly.
10. You have gotten hints from him.
He talks about how young you both are and how you have so much time to get to know each other.
He talks about how things shouldn't be rushed and that there's a right time for everything.
He says he's really happy with how things are between you both.
He has mentioned a lot of "crazy exes". There's a small chance that he's just been unlucky enough to date a lot of "crazy" women, but it's much more likely that he just bails whenever the woman gets a little serious and then brands them the "crazy" one.
Maybe when you guys first started dating, you discussed marriage and he said he isn't looking to get married. It may be a really long time ago, but if you guys haven't discussed it again, who's to say he changed his mind?
It's quite common for guys to drop hints like this because they don't want to explicitly state that they don't want to commit. Maybe they're just not mature enough to even have a discussion about it like adults.
What You Should Do Next
The first thing you need to not lose sight of is that your value as a woman isn't based on whether someone wants to marry you or not. Most of the reasons why a man doesn't want to marry have to do with him, and not the woman.
If you determine that you're with a man who doesn't want to marry, it can be a bit to process. It's a disappointing realization but an important one. In some cases, you may even be able to work through his issues and make him ready to take this step with you. But more likely, if your ultimate goal is marriage, you will have to cut your losses and move on. You deserve the best you can get and to be in a completely fulfilling relationship, even if that means letting go of someone you care about.
Determining whether your guy doesn't want to marry you or if you should remain with him is a very hard decision. And confiding in friends and family can be very helpful when coming to a decision. It feels good to let it out and there's the added benefit of receiving an outsider's opinion, which can often lead to something you may not have figured out on your own.
I would also recommend getting in touch with a professional Relationship Coach. Here at Relationship Hero, we've helped over 25,000 clients in overcoming their relationship issues, and you could be the next. :)
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